Commentary: Does Absence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

Does the heart really grow fonder when two lovers are apart or is it an excuse to wander into the arms of someone else?

Posted: 07/22/2014 04:00 PM EDT

So, let’s talk about this thing of the heart growing fonder and strengthening the relationship when two people are apart. Many would argue having a little space is healthy and much needed when it comes to romance because it eventually makes the other person desire you more. I can’t say this notion is completely true, as my experiences have led me to believe differently. There is a fine line when it comes to space, distance and time in your relationship — and too much of these elements can be disastrous on both ends.

When you’ve been with someone for so long, you may begin to feel that distance is needed for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re tired of smothering each other because the honeymoon phase has run its course or perhaps ongoing efforts to make the relationship work aren’t being reciprocated, leading you to feel your love and loyalty are being taken for granted. Personally, I can relate to the latter.

I dealt with my then-beau for a very long time, and I’m talking years. Mariah Carey’s ballad “Circles” could be our theme song because we mastered what it truly meant to be on-again, off-again. When we would go a few days or sometimes weeks without speaking, I don’t think either one of us were worried about the other’s heart wandering because it was a steady cycle, good today and bad tomorrow. By the weekend, we knew we’d be back on good terms because not speaking to each other made our hearts seem to “grow fonder.”

Boy, was I wrong! Our love roller coaster finally crashed when I found out his heart was wandering into the arms of countless others. It felt like the biggest slap in the face when I discovered the lies, hurt and betrayal via Facebook, right before my eyes. Now that I’ve completely ended our relationship, I’m pretty sure my absence has made room for his heart to grow fonder as opposed to wander. Guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone, right?

All in all, too much absence creates an abundance of problems and unforeseen strain on the entire relationship. It opens up endless possibilities for one or both of you to entertain the thought of being with someone else, and unless that’s what you both want, be wary. As we all know, having instant gratification is essential in today’s society, so I think it’s safe to say that regardless of how much you care for someone, the mantra of being “out of sight, out of mind” has never been more poignant when it comes to matters of the heart.

The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of BET Networks.

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