Reality television nuptials, rappers talking outside their necks, an iconic diva slays the county fair of awards, and real NOLA sugar cane thug tears rounds out this week’s lineup of the most Black moments on television.
Ray J and Princess Love Ties the Knot on Camera – That’s the Punchline
The season finale of Love & Hip-Hop Hollywood was classic rachet-piece theater at its finest: drama, awkward confessions, random irrelevant celebrity cameos, and bad makeup with 16-inch Brazilian lace-fronts. First off, Ray J was serving fake-mad realness that his boo, Princess Love (clearly the name of a former employee of King of Diamonds), went behind his back to get a pre-nup. Yes, you heard that right — Princess Love, who only became relevant because of this show, thought she should be the one requesting a pre-nup. Sure! After both of them faked it for the cameras, Ray J walked down that aisle in a hood bootleg version of The Best Man. And I loved it!
I must take this moment to actually pay homage to the real talent that stole the show for me and almost legitimized the wedding. Yes, Anthony “Can sing better than any of your contemporary R&B favs” Hamilton. Yes, the man who gave us the blessing known as “Charlene” brought his collard greens vocals to the wedding, snatching the edges of every guest at the wedding. Speaking of edges, Brandy also performed later in the show, but peep the shade of VH1 giving her the subtitle of “Ray J’s sister.” Excuse me — but it should have been “Vocal Bible”! With the Game somehow finding himself as one of Ray J’s best men, and Princess Love stumbled to call Ray J her “one and only” at the altar — the season finale was quite a historic moment in ratchet TV.
Wayne’s World Doesn’t Include Black Lives Matter – Even Though He’s Black AF
Who would have thought that ABC Nightline would have the kind of interview with Lil Tuneche that The Breakfast Club has been scalping edges for. Interviewer Linsey Davis played no games with Lil Wayne as she asked him the tough questions. Before I get into this read, I have to say that Davis deserves the Academy Award for Best Fixed Face in a Ghetto Confrontation when Weezy basically dismissed any type of rational dialogue. Without disappointment, Weezy showed his ass when stating that because he was a “young Black rich motha-fu***” Black Lives Matter “ain’t got nothing” to do with him. That wasn’t just ignorant — that was IGnant (emphasis on the “ig”). Clearly the rapper, whose New Orleans accent participated in the National Twerk Anthem known as “Back That Azz Up,” forgot where we found him! SMH.
Queen Bey Arrives on the Pasture Known as the CMA Awards
Coming through in a rustic royal gown that looks like it took the skin of over 200 white horses to make, the rising Queen Bey of Dixie came to the Country Music Awards ready to remind folks that she’s from Houston. Bey sang “Daddy Lessons” to a bunch of country folks without breaking a sweat. But she didn’t do it alone — she had her girl group with her. No, not Destiny’s Child — but the Mason-Dixon line version of them — the Dixie Chicks! Now this was full shade at the CMAs because dem Dixie Chicks are just as rebellious in the country world as Bey is practically everywhere. Back when Bush was President, these outlaws called him out before it was a popping thing to do.
For some reason, country haters on the Twitter were bothered. The Black Dolly Parton, also known as Beyonce Knowles-Carter, even had Tennessee-fine Matthew McConaughey up on his feet snapping and clapping. In other words, Bey wasn’t serving lemonade that night, she was giving us whiskey sour realness!
Queen Sugar Was Filled With the Kind of High-Calorie Drama That Requires Insulin
You know when your grandmama would always say, “sat down, y’all gon run my blood pressure high,” and you were like, “How, Granny. How?” Answer: watching episodes like Wednesday night’s Queen Sugar on OWN. Gasping for dear life was an understatement. I recommend you have a glass of non-faucet water with a squeezed lemon inside as the Bordelon family now deals with migrant workers found dead in their God-forsaken sugar cane field. Seeing all of the emotions of Ralph Angel, played by Ghanian-American actor Kofi Sirboe, was instant gratification. His ugly cry when the family broke the news to the other workers was so ironically beautiful that it felt like a seductive soul poem narrated by Erykah Badu. I’m convinced that Kofi Sirboe is Ghanian for Black Sexy Bae as his triceps and biceps strong NOLA accent makes you forget that he’s a troubled baby daddy that might get back with his ex before you give him your number. Sigh.
Until next week, Black America — remember to stay hydrated, keep your edges intact, and avoid the ratchery that ensures on television.