: The pale folks of Forks, Washington are back. This time around, Bella's teenage romance with Edward (the vegetarian vampire) ends because his life is too dangerous for the melancholy girl. Bella falls into a deep music video-like depression and her heart eventually connects with a werewolf. However, Bella must save the day when Edward's life is at risk on the other side of the globe -- thankfully Virgin Airlines is available in Twilight
: Let's be clear, New Moon
is for a very specific audience. If you are out of high school, a person of color
, don't have teen daughters, a feminist, or a heterosexual male, New Moon
will probably disappoint. But, does the film perfectly appeal to its audience? Yes! Is it a good movie? No!
is a media phenomenon. No amount of bad reviews will taint the tons of success this movie will achieve at the box office. On the other hand, I am sure when most of the Twilight
fans grow out of adolescence, they will say, "Oh my God -- this movie was terrible!"
The first Twilight
was directed by Catherine Hardwicke
but this time around we have Chris Weitz
, who is known for movies like The Golden Compass
. While the original is no work of genius, Hardwicke did manage to inject some John Hughes-like
realism in a teenage vampire flick. Weitz, who I am sure had the best intentions, seemed more concerned with Hollywood polish and shirtless boys than a solid film that might appeal to those who weren't Twilight
Filled with plot holes and bad script patch-up jobs, the plot of New Moon
isn't the most troublesome. What gives the flick a stake through the heart is the tacky melodrama with lines like, "You give me everything just by breathing." Or this gem: "You're just warm. You're like your own sun." Even the teen girls next to me giggled at that one. Consistently cheap dialogue, dumb the movie down to something that would be brilliant for a 14-year-old's diary entry, but not a full script.
Even worse are the one-note performances form the leads, Kristen Stewart
and Robert Pattinson
. Their version of acting consists of squinted eyes, long stares and monotone monologues. According to the tabloids, these two are a couple, but they must have saved the chemistry for off-screen. The Moviefone guy has more personality than these yawners.
There are some comical and needed performances from their teen friends, who lighten a film that takes itself too seriously. Then there is Taylor Lautner
, who is half-naked most of the time and might be a good actor, but the focus is more on his abs than his character. Oh, there is a cameo from the always sensational Dakota Fanning
, but she she vanishes right when you start to enjoy her.
At an unnecessary two hours and ten minutes, there is too much to find wrong with New Moon
. Some necessary trimming and a little less sap might have resulted in a fun movie. But, what do I know - this is the same audience who appeals to Miley Cyrus
is in theaters today.