: After a long-awaited marriage and some rough sex, Bella is in a delicate condition. Not just because she is pregnant but because a half-human and half-vampire fetus isn't exactly an easy pregnancy — the fetus is killing Bella. Will Bella die? Will the fetus die? Where's Dakota Fanning
? Where's Taylor Lautner
's shirt? Who cares? It's Twilight
! The cast could speak an alien language for two hours and fans would be satisfied.
: Oh, Twilight
. Regardless of the director (this time around it's Dreamgirls
director Bill Condon
), the script, the cheese-ball acting or the uninterested actors—this is a guarantee hit. Twilight
knows where the money is: the first 10 seconds is a shirtless Taylor Lautner. That's right; give the audience what they want immediately.
Lautner's abs upstage the first half of the film, which is a mixture between an Ikea ad and a Valentine's Day commercial for Macy's: Bella prepping for the wedding, Bella marrying, Bella flouncing around the beach, Bella playing chess and Bella spread out in bed with overly dramatic ominous stares from Edward. The first hour could've been shaved down to 15 minutes.
By the second hour, some interesting storylines kick in. After violent — and awkwardly filmed — sex with Edward, she is pregnant. Like an episode of Mystery Diagnosis
the bundle of vampire joy is killing Bella and no one knows how to save mother and child. Surprisingly, with more adult themes, Breaking Dawn Part 1
tiptoes out of teen dream land and becomes pieces of a good film. A graphic birthing scene and interesting plot twists made for the best Twilight
since the original. Or maybe I had such lowered expectations that I was hoodwinked into believing Breaking Dawn
was a good film.
Regardless of a redemptive ending, Breaking Dawn
ruins itself with the same ingredients as the previous duds. The embarrassing dialogue: "Let's start with forever" or "Last night was the best night of my existence." Gag me with a spoon!
Then there is the cast who would probably would have no interest in the Twilight
if they weren't already entrenched in it. Kristen Stewart
once again appears to be fatigued with Bella and more than likely continues with the role because she feels obligated. Robert Pattison
clearly isn't taking any of the hoopla seriously, looking dazed and confused by the attention. Taylor Lautner, who I still feel has the potential to be the next Tom Cruise
or Will Smith
, is the one who seems to "get it," not looking down on the role of Jacob, realizing if he could just get the right script — clearly Abduction wasn't it
— and director he could be a credible actor. But it doesn't matter; these are pretty people with vampire and werewolf problems.
Aside from acting, dialogue and overdone special effects, the biggest flaw: The virginal and pro-life Bella Swan is marrying a man who will eventually take her soul, Edward. Yep, in order to have that man, Miss Bella must lose her soul. While the film clearly promotes a conservative pro-life and abstinence agenda, the message of "lose everything for a man" is disappointing. If I were a father with a teenage girl, I would have a long talk with my daughter and say, "Bella Swan is exactly who you shouldn't emulate in a relationship."
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
is in theaters today.