(www.BlackDoctor.org) --No matter how much you love your man, he can easily tap dance on your last nerve like he is the late and great Gregory Hines. It’s so easy for you to say I love him, but… I love him, but if he leaves the toilet seat up one more time. I love him, but if he leaves one more soggy bath towel on the bed. I love him, but why must he go and use a dish two seconds after I finish cleaning the kitchen?
The men we love can be a handful, but let’s not forget, they are the men we love. Of course he’s annoying, but focusing on the positive can make you both happier.
1. Stop and think. Consider each of the following questions; be honest and specific: What do you receive from your partner? What do you give to your partner? What difficulties do you cause your partner?
How it helps: “Quiet reflection time is essential for stressed relationships,” Krech, author of Naikan: Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self Reflection, says. This last question will help you remember that he puts up with little annoyances from you too.
2. Fulfill his fantasies. Not those fantasies. Talk to your partner about his goals and ask how you can help him achieve them. Can you deal with the kids while he works on his book? Does he need help clearing space in the garage to do some auto work?
How it helps: It’s easy to focus on what you want from him, Krech says. But you should concentrate on how you can support him and how important you are to his success.
3. Kill the critic. Don’t criticize your partner (that also means no eye-rolling or heavy sighs). When a not-so-pretty thought pops up, remember some specific ways your partner supports and cares for you.
How it helps: “Think of your partner as a package; you can’t just accept the parts you like,” Krech says. “Once we stop expecting perfection, we can see what a loving partnership can be.”
4. Every time your partner does something for you, express your appreciation and be specific. Instead of just plain “thanks,” say, “I really appreciate you warming up the car this morning.”
How it helps: It’s easy to say “thanks” without paying attention to the thing he did for you, Krech notes. When you mention what he actually did, it’s more likely to have a positive impact on you both.
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