Why Are Black Women 'Insecure' About Blow Jobs?

Why Are Black Women 'Insecure' About Blow Jobs?

Real men weigh in about the truth of last Sunday's sex scene.

Published 2 weeks ago

The most recent episode of HBO’s Insecure  sparked a lot of conversations among my circle. Not about open relationships or whether or not a man should accept his woman back after she cheats, but about the topic of that sex scene. 

Spoiler alert: If you have not seen the episode by now or are clueless because you deactivated every form of social media, I am sorry in advance. But the conversations stem from the scene in which the Black leading female characters were discussing all the rules about giving men blow jobs and how they don’t do it, etc. Personally, this was disturbing because I think it misrepresented the year 2017, period. 

The cum shot heard round the world opened up a lot of issues. Most argued the lead character, Issa, was properly warned, but the others feel she was just overreacting period. There wasn’t going to be a right way for this blow job to end.

As I have admitted before in a previous article, we men (particularly us men of color) are just as addicted to Insecure as women are. Because, for ONCE, it’s not really us Black men being portrayed as the one that screwed up the happy home.

Personally, as a man, I was confused AF after seeing other Black women on social media sympathizing with Issa's insistence that she doesn't "put random dicks in her mouth." Surprisingly, though, another set of Black women also admitted to being hella confused about Issa's stand on blow jobs and subsequent reaction to the so-called squirt. OK, phew, not alone. 

I must say, I didn’t know that Black women were still opposed to the idea of performing oral sex due to various reasons we men may never honestly understand. Women, if a guy tells you he “understands” just know the only thing he understands is that you have just secured valet parking in the friend zone!

But I do agree with my Twitter friends up there. The debate about oral sex is a dated conversation. Black women, men don’t deem you as disposable or, like Issa stated, “forever a hoe if you do it.” We actually think it means you are 100 percent into pleasing us.

Remember, in some cases head is something we want more than sex itself. Most acts of “slip-ups” — *ahem* cheating *ahem* — involve a man letting another woman give him head because his main girl said, “I don’t do that!”

But ever curious, I asked some real life Black women their thoughts:

Rayne, 30, New York, African-American Woman: “That scene was an outdated conversation from a 1995 afterschool special. What Black women you been talking to? If you don’t get it from her, you will find someone else to give it to you. Where do that leave the girl who rejected the idea? Rejected all together!”

Nadia, 31, Brooklyn, African American Woman: “It not a deal breaker for me to do it UNLESS the guy says he don’t give head in return! AND cleanliness!”

Ray, 30, Bronx, African-American Man: “It’s DEFINITELY an expectation! You know what I call women who don’t suck d**k? ‘Just friends! If you don’t suck d**k, we can’t even go on a lunch date!”

So yeah, I must admit it is weirdly regressive that Black women are still not into giving blow jobs. Ray says, “They be like, ‘I am not getting on my knees for no man and subjecting myself to that.’ I tell them, ‘It's OK, you don’t have to be on your knees. You can lay down to do it!” (Ed note from female editor: Ray, you sound like an a**hole) 

But there's one more thing I had to ask: did Issa's character overact during “the cum” scene? I see this happen a lot in real life, sadly. In the past, when I accidentally released my man juice wherever, the woman immediately lost her mind similar to Issa. We guys stay confused about this reaction. So, women, when you are performing the “job,” what do you actually expect to happen if all is going according to plan? RIP to that guy who ultimately gets castrated by a female's double-edged sword.

JT, 24, New Jersey, Dominican/Haitian man: “This one time I bust in a girl face by mistake because it felt good. You know this woman pulled a knife on me? I thought a large load would have been a sign that she did a good job — literally and figuratively!”

Is there an expectation that women should be OK with cum on her or being released in her mouth? According to Al, a 26-year-old, African-American male from Tampa, “Girls shouldn’t do it if they are going to trip about that. Yes, that’s what I expect honestly.”

Ray says, “It’s for sure an expectation. I’ll ask can I cum in their mouth or on them. But it’s a turnoff if they say no. Women look at it in a demeaning way, when it’s really just pleasing their man. Black women, they think too deep or too ‘woke’ about it. It’s [cum] the essence of life-force. But I do ask can I cum in their mouth, though, just out of respect. On them is completely fair game, I feel!"

Luckily, I know a person who can provide real answers. I reached out to Ben Jones, who is a story editor and writer for HBO’s Insecure. Even better, Ben was also one of the lead writers for the “Hella Blow” episode that featured infamous “cum scene.”

(Photo: Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage)

Ben revealed, “The topic of ‘blow jobs’ causes quite the debate in our writers’ room on Insecure. That’s how we know it’s something we should address in the show!”

When I tell him I didn't understand the big deal about a little head, he explained, “The scene isn't just about Issa giving a blow job, as it is about her wanting to avoid being vulnerable post her break up with Lawrence. However, that didn’t work out too well for her.”

OK, fine, but why do Black women still have issues when it comes to oral sex and the orgasmic releases that could potentially end up in their eye? Ben admits, “While I was in the writers’ room, I learned from our female writers that women have varied opinions about blow jobs than men. As a guy, it doesn’t seem as charged for us, but for women, it’s different. And for some Black women, it’s very different because it harkens back to the historical commodification of the Black female body in this country, which I now understand a lot more!”

OK, I can see that. But frankly, I also see an embrace of it as well. Black women, even Beyoncé once implied through her "Partition" lyrics that it’s OK for a little "pleasure fluid" to land on you. Remember the lyrics “He Monica Lewinski'ed all on my gown”?

Blow jobs are pretty much Sex 101. Guess what, with an awesome blow job comes an explosive release. Please prepare or request a hard hat and safety goggles!

Written by Maurice Marcel

(Photo: Brinson+Banks for The Washington Post via Getty Images)

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