Desiigner Remembers A Rap Battle That Left Him With Suicidal Thoughts

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 13:  Desiigner attends the Pharrell Williams And G-Star RAW Present The New G-Star Elwood X25 Prints - New York Fashion Week - Spring/Summer 2018 on September 13, 2017 in New York City.  (Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for G-Star RAW )

Desiigner Remembers A Rap Battle That Left Him With Suicidal Thoughts

"I can never kill myself, I can't get rid of myself."

Published November 13, 2017

While Desiigner's reputation for being one of hip-hop's happiest lyricist proceeds itself, the Brooklyn native recently revealed he's once had his own share of mental health struggles. 

During a recent guest appearance on Snoop Dogg's web series GGN News, the "Timmy Turner" rapper explained what inspired his high-energy performances which have gained him notoriety since his 2016 debut. According to the 20-year-old, a brief depressive episode is the inspiration behind his larger-than-life personality. "The reason why Desiigner smile ... it came from Desiigner wanting to kill himself," he admitted to Snoop.

The G.O.O.D. Music signee explains that when he was younger, during a visit to his grandmother's house in South Carolina, he ended up in a battle rap that ultimately made him question his rapping style. It was a discouraging moment for the aspiring rapper and it eventually led him into some dark thoughts.

"I'm like, 'I don't know if I could do this music s**t, man' and this is all I know. Like all I want to do is music," he said, "So I went home man and I said, 'F**k that, I'mma kill myself.' The second I said that s**t, I got scared as hell, bro. I got scared because I told myself that... When I told myself that, I'm like, 'Nah I ain't killin' myself.' So from there on, I always kept a smile on my face because I was like, 'Yo, I can't. [There's] so much more I could do. I can never kill myself, I can't get rid of myself."

Check out Desiigner's full remarks in the short clip below:

Written by Kai Miller

(Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for G-Star RAW )

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