2016 was full of social media f**kery, but six days into 2017 has not proved much better. In no particular order, here is everyone's phone we are snatching in the new year.
We don't imagine there will be any objections to Donald Trump's phone getting snatched. The president-elect is a notorious social media bully, going after just about anyone he can and chronically oversharing. We never want to see him behind the wheel of the POTUS Twitter handle, so we're grabbing that phone right now.
Actually, we think his phone already got snatched. So THANK YOU, random guy. You had the right idea.
After two years of virtual silence, Rob has been sharing a lot on social media since he's been with Blac Chyna but he hit peak public breakdown when he and Chyna hit a rough patch over the holidays. He snapped his empty house, claiming that Chyna ran away with baby Dream and his Eggos. Since just a week later Rob and Chyna were back on and both promoting their baby special on E!, this outburst solicited many eye rolls and perhaps seemed a bit premature and dramatic. In 2017, we hope that Rob does a lot better and resolves to only share pics of that little Dream.
We never want to accuse anyone of being on bath salts but something is very not right about Orlando Brown's behavior on social media. A few months ago, he began harassing his former That's So Raven co-star Raven-Symoné, and it continued in a string of bizarre posts and media appearances. His account has mysteriously gone private after he released a sex tape with his girlfriend on Instagram, which leads us to believe that someone might have already snatched his phone from him.
It looks like Tokyo Toni is also now private on Instagram after much commentary over her daughter Blac Chyna's relationship. We hope that now that she's a grandma we see less of this.
We're just on Kylie fatigue. We've been looking at her nonstop for five years more or less and the content never changes. Now its more butts, lip kits and cars than ever before. We need a break and so does she.
We need to call it how it is. Drake constantly trolls us. He does. Just look at his recent behavior with Jennifer Lopez. He wants you to talk about him. We are going so far as to say that he needs it. This year, we want him to do a lot less. We are always going to talk about you, Drizzy. No need to poke us.
We're taking Jeffery's phone and we're banning him from airports, too.
We should've been had this girl's phone. After declaring that she wished she got an abortion and other unapologetic and cringe-worthy moments, we need that phone back right now. When you have to apologize after basically everything you say, at what point do you just start thinking before you tweet?
Did you know that Azealia Banks actively practices witchcraft? Neither did we until a very disturbing Insta-story revealed a closet where she sacrifices chickens for her rituals. Beyond that, Azealia is a pretty big bully and regularly starts drama with her Hollywood peers. We'll take Azealia's phone and give her a flip phone to hold her over just in case a music producer calls.
Not to pour salt on a fresh wound, but how many ways can you spell irrelevant? After Nicki dumped his ass, Meek hit us with the lamest post of all time, which is such a disappointment considering we recognized his accomplishments as a great Insta husband.
He is very new to Instagram, but during his mysterious breakdown in December, he flooded our feeds. That is not how it's done, Kanye. He's always been rogue on Twitter and, while we love him for that, we need him to get a handle on his digital emotions this year.
We do not want to see any more sex tapes on Instagram this year. We don't even think that warrants saying, but since Troy Ave decided to release one with his song of the same name, we're going to make it mandatory.
(Photos from left: D Dipasupil/Getty Images for Extra, Maury Phillips/Getty Images for BET, Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images, John M. Heller/Getty Images)
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