See Trump Family Members Illicit Public Cries for Help

WASHINGTON, DC - JANUARY 20:  President Donald Trump is joined by the Congressional leadership and his family as he formally signs his cabinet nominations into law, in the President's Room of the Senate, at the Capitol in Washington, January 20, 2017. From left are Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., Sen. Roy Blunt, R-Mo., Donald Trump Jr., Vice President Mike Pence, Jared Kushner, Karen Pence, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Barron Trump, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, R-Wis., Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, D-Calif., House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.  (Photo by J. Scott Applewhite - Pool/Getty Images)

See Trump Family Members Illicit Public Cries for Help

We're all prisoners.

Published January 24, 2017

The first generation of Trump children is, in a word, terrifying. Eric and Don Jr. are essentially just clones of their dad/Patrick Bateman. And Ivanka puts a veneer of beauty and gentility over her father’s agenda, making her possibly the most dangerous person in the Trump camp. We have goosebumps just typing about them.

We feel for Tiffany, who’s treated like a red-headed stepchild. And then there’s the kids and grandkids. Barron and the rest are trapped, and none of this is their fault. They’re too young to run away; the little ones can’t exactly pack up a Louis Vuitton suitcase and slip out past the Secret Service.  But we see you, baby Trumps. They’re clearly yearning to break free.

  1. Inauguration Or Hostage Situation?

    Barron contemplates escape.

    Me pulling up to work on a monday morning

    A photo posted by OfficialSeanPenn (@officialseanpenn) on

  2. Arabella Kushner Prays For Rescue

    Her eyes are pleading for a speedy release.

    Heading to the parade! 🇺🇸 #inauguration

    A photo posted by Ivanka Trump (@ivankatrump) on

  3. Tristan Trump Tries To Think Of His Happy Place

    His dad, Don Jr., writes that he “hopes Tristan is able to remember these amazing moments, witnessing history firsthand.” We sincerely hope that for the sake of Tristan’s sanity, he does not.

  4. An Open Rebellion

    Tristan bravely defies autocracy.

  5. Barron Gets Scolded By Eric

    Seriously, poor Barron Trump. He may have a gold house, but he has to put up with a lot of s**t.

  6. Masterful Sideye From Donald Trump III

    Respect.

  7. Arabella Channels The Spirit Of Wednesday Addams

    Look at that stare. It honestly looks like she’s setting a curse on the Trump-Kushner clan. Awesome. How cool would it be if Arabella grew up to be a full-on Blade-esque nineties goth, or maybe even a Wiccan? You can do it, girl.

    Arriving in Washington DC with my family. A very special moment! #MAGA #Inauguration2017

    A photo posted by Ivanka Trump (@ivankatrump) on

  8. 'Burn it. Burn it all.'

    Arabella is definitely my favorite. 

    With my family at the inaugural interfaith prayer service at National Cathedral.

    A photo posted by Ivanka Trump (@ivankatrump) on

  9. They Won't Let Barron Go To Bed

    Sleep deprivation is a common torture technique used by the CIA. It is also clearly endorsed by our new president. Let Barron slumber!

  10. Bonus: #FreeMelania

    What’s inside that Tiffany’s box she gave Michelle? A note that says “SAVE ME,” scrawled in her own blood.

Written by Jocelyn Silver

(Photo: J. Scott Applewhite - Pool/Getty Images)

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