The first generation of Trump children is, in a word, terrifying. Eric and Don Jr. are essentially just clones of their dad/Patrick Bateman. And Ivanka puts a veneer of beauty and gentility over her father’s agenda, making her possibly the most dangerous person in the Trump camp. We have goosebumps just typing about them.
We feel for Tiffany, who’s treated like a red-headed stepchild. And then there’s the kids and grandkids. Barron and the rest are trapped, and none of this is their fault. They’re too young to run away; the little ones can’t exactly pack up a Louis Vuitton suitcase and slip out past the Secret Service. But we see you, baby Trumps. They’re clearly yearning to break free.
Barron contemplates escape.
Her eyes are pleading for a speedy release.
His dad, Don Jr., writes that he “hopes Tristan is able to remember these amazing moments, witnessing history firsthand.” We sincerely hope that for the sake of Tristan’s sanity, he does not.
Tristan bravely defies autocracy.
Seriously, poor Barron Trump. He may have a gold house, but he has to put up with a lot of s**t.
Look at that stare. It honestly looks like she’s setting a curse on the Trump-Kushner clan. Awesome. How cool would it be if Arabella grew up to be a full-on Blade-esque nineties goth, or maybe even a Wiccan? You can do it, girl.
Arabella is definitely my favorite.
Sleep deprivation is a common torture technique used by the CIA. It is also clearly endorsed by our new president. Let Barron slumber!
What’s inside that Tiffany’s box she gave Michelle? A note that says “SAVE ME,” scrawled in her own blood.
(Photo: J. Scott Applewhite - Pool/Getty Images)
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