Welcome to 2017, where although we don't have a female president, we are still living in the era of the female boss. When I say boss, I am not just referring to a female in a position of professional authority or a female business entrepreneur. I am talking about the independent woman overall. She's powerful, successful, knows what she wants and is very confident in who she is.
There's plenty of media out there to support the idea that “men are scared of independent women.” Reasons include alpha males colliding with true “boss bitches” leading to hostility, the thought that men are accustomed to being the stronger or dominant gender historically in relationships, that men want to be the bread winner or decision maker and that men need submissive women in order to get our way in relationships. According to that fake Dolphins player, all of this is true.
In my opinion, this is an archaic conversation. I know a lot of guys who think the female boss is sexy and desirable. Two guys I was recently discussing the “independent woman” with loved the idea of this new modern woman. One guy is 31, married with a kid. His wife works just as hard as he does and is a leader in her organization. The other guy comes from a more traditional background in which his father was the ultimate breadwinner and the mother took care of the home. Some would say he is a “mama’s boy.” He is the only boy in his family and maintains a very close relationship with his mother. He too is in a long-term relationship and takes on the traits of his father relating to working long hours to provide for his fiancé and kids, but surprisingly doesn’t want the traditional way of “caveman” living. The married guy said, “I would love to sit home and be a stay-at-home dad! She makes all the decisions — like our finances, life choices, everything! All I have to do is be on time! I think its great!”
We like women who are independent, progressive and/or established. Guys who are attracted to the independent woman tend to be very independent as well. The millennial male is a little more relaxed than those of the generation before us. We like life to be easy. And if this kind of woman makes life easier for us, then that's who we should be with.
On the other hand, dating a female boss can highlight insecurities or issues with the man. We, as guys, don’t like to appear weak. I asked my control group if independent women or females in power intimidate them. One responded, “I think it’s sexy. I don’t think of it as intimidating or emasculating at all. Because the masculinity part is really what its about to people. And you just need to be secure within yourself as a man. I honestly think this problem [of intimidation] is something that just exists with other women [as it relates to power trips]. I am cool with it!”
The guys did share some downfalls of being with the female boss, which is the overarching theme of extreme independence. “She can be TOOOOOO independent! Like, I know this one girl — so independent — she doesn’t feel she needs anyone! No man, no dog, anything. Just alone. That can be too much.”
My guys also said, “They lack patience. They are trying to live their life, so if you're not on their level or higher, you may not stand a chance.” Guys might hesitate pursuing these women, not because they are intimidating, but because the message the women give off is that they are not interested in a relationship at all. Sadly, I don’t think the women know how strong the message is.
This idea of strong, independent women is not as threating as it seems to men. Look at Michelle Obama, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Jada Pinkett Smith and of Oprah Winfrey. I don’t see any of their men complaining. Give me one of those women any day!
(Photo: Shannon Fagan/Getty Images)