Believe it or not, the weather changes can actually severely effect a guy's dating life. Right now, we don't even know what season we're in. But don't be alarmed, climate change is a hoax! (That's a joke. Sorry, we kid about the things that hurt us.)
So, we all know after “cuffing season” (winter) ends, we enter “pre-heaux season” (spring), which is that gray area where guys have to decide between being single for the summer or moving toward a relationship with cuddle bae from November. It's a big choice and I will be as bold as to say that most guys choose the former.
Ever wanting to provide a service, I'm trying to be helpful. Ladies, if you are fortunate enough to have good weather in your area, here are the things that guys say that mean the end. Heaux season is here.
Honestly, girls don’t like Rio and Ibiza for real. There are naked girls everywhere. Why would you think they want to go?
Ryan Braxton, 23, who recently started a relationship, says, “You just never know where he is going with them Vans. They slip on and off. You will never get caught."
Donte Webb, 21, from Miami, told us "One time, my brother had me tell this girl he got in a tragic accident and couldn’t talk for three months. Pretty much the whole summer.”
Jeremy Simpkins, 25, admits, “After college, I told my girlfriend at the time I was going to basic training starting in May and in the fall I got discharged.”
Errol Brown, 34, from Chicago said, “I told her she don’t respect me or take what I like serious, [so] how can I take her serious? Broke up day before the summer.”
Will Collins, 24, from Atlanta, who is currently actively dating, said, “It’s easier to just create a private account because you still want to DM. You can't track me if you don't know my middle name to find me."
The good news is he probably won't be hooking up with another girl during that time...ever.
That girl will be like a sister by fall, so he is legit being honest.
"Netflix and chill" doesn't require a dress code.
Ricky, 27, from New York, says, “It's pre-heaux season. I am confused about what I want. It makes me depressed and frustrated.”
In the meantime, he is also finding a lot of other girls to help him look.
The rule is, if you not in a relationship by the summer solstice, give it up. The guy you're dating will have activated his heaux level to 1000 for summer festival season. When fall comes back around, expect that “hey stranger" text. See you then.
(Photo: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images)
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