It's not every day that a piece of medical advice takes your breath away, but here is one that definitely does: doctor's are warning women to abstain from putting wasps nests in their vaginas.
Wow, 2017 is really tew much sometimes. Our natural reaction to this intel was, "No problem, wasn't planning on it." But it would appear that not everyone shares our conventional wisdom.
In fact, it's somewhat of a trend to, uh, stick foreign objects into your orifices right now. While Ilana on Broad City did once deem women's nether regions "nature's pocket," it still doesn't sit with us quite right, literally and figuratively — we can't imagine being able to sit right with something shoved up there.
Like most new-agey bulls**t trends, we can trace the inception of this practice back to Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle platform, Goop. It was there where she started hawking jade eggs, a decidedly intimate way to partake in the crystal craze. The $70 rock that they urge you to put inside your hooha allegedly "increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance and feminine energy in general." Damn Gwyneth, you're a freak! Also, it's extremely hard to prove these jade eggs work in any capacity.
The latest iteration of this trend involves Etsy sellers pushing "oak galls," or balls of treebark and wasps nest remnants. Seems weird, disgusting and counterintuitive to put these where the sun don't shine, but a simple Etsy search will reveal they're plentiful on the website.
Luckily, doctors are now dispelling the many myths surrounding placing said objects in the female sex organ. The lack of FDA approval should've been enough to stop consumers in their tracks, but alas, it was not. Lady parts, as likely any owner of them would know, are self-regulating and very sensitive. In other words, no need to fill your nature's pocket! In fact, doing so may cause harm to your vagina. Permanent damage invoked by such a foreign object could even cause pregnancy complications.
We all learned some important lessons today. Don't put wasps nests in your vagina, keep your crystals where we can see them and, for god's sake, leave your vaginas alone, ladies!
(Photo: Danita Delimont/Getty Images)
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