Here's How to Get Over Your Toxic Ex...For Good This Time

Here's How to Get Over Your Toxic Ex...For Good This Time

R.I.P. Abelena. Hello again, Jelena?

Published November 3, 2017

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber just can’t stay away from each other. Since 2010 they haven’t been able to leave one another alone either in person or on social media. Now that Selena and The Weeknd have broken up, #Jelena seems to be back at it again.

As the paparazzi pics unfold, Selena needs to know that spending time with an ex, especially after breaking up with someone else, is a one-way trip to drama-opolis. Selena’s not ready to hear this, but if you want to finally shift the on again/off relationship again cycle,'s love expert Damona Hoffman's got you.

Here are six steps for getting over your ex for good:

  1. Stop Contact

    Jelena was successful at this for a time but the pair were recently spotted having a friendly breakfast together. I’m not trying to start rumors or anything, but if you’re seeing your ex in the morning, there’s a good chance you also saw him the night before. You might crave that physical connection and someone to hold you after a breakup, but your ex is not the person to do that with. Cutting off all contact is the only way to ensure you don’t run back to the familiar.

  2. Enlist Your Friends

    If you and your ex have the same circle of friends, you need their help to keep you two apart. In Jelena’s case, the reunion was allowed, and possibly even orchestrated, by their friends. If this happens to you as well, get some better friends.

  3. Unfollow

    The Instagram feud between these two got so heated that, at one point, Justin even deleted his account. Save yourself the trouble. Just unfollow and don't engage. And definitely don’t comment on the pics of him and his new girlfriend.

  4. Date Yourself

    When you bounce back and forth between relationships, it keeps you from feeling the pain of a breakup but it also keeps you from knowing yourself on a deep level. Take some time to be alone and understand what you think, feel, and enjoy doing without the influence of a partner. As the Biebs would say, “Love Yourself.”

  5. Write

    I often encourage my dating coaching clients to journal – particularly during times of transition. Sort out your reasons for breaking up, which relationship mistakes you want to avoid next time, and what your dream relationship would look like. If we’re lucky, maybe Selena will do this in the form of a song.

  6. Make a Change

    Changing your physical appearance, routine, diet, or lifestyle can help you emerge as a new person after the breakup. You’ll meet new people and go new places which means you’re less likely to be triggered by reminders of your past relationship.

    While the #Jelena drama is always entertaining to follow, when you have an explosive off again/on again relationship, there’s usually an underlying flaw in the partnership that is difficult to overcome. Though you might be tempted to run back into the arms of your ex after a breakup, it’s likely to only cause you more pain in the end.

Written by Damona Hoffman

Damona Hoffman is a certified dating coach and TV personality (from #BlackLove and A Question of Love on FYI TV). She gives weekly dating and relationship advice on The Dates & Mates radio show and podcast.

(Photo: Anthony Harvey/Getty Images, Larry Busacca/Getty Images, Kevin Mazur/WireImage/Getty Images)


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