When stories of women turning down a man’s advances somehow spew into her being murdered for rejecting him, which is exactly what happened to the late-Shana Fisher who was killed by the Texas School Shooter last week, we have to evaluate why things like the happen.
Interestingly, some news headlines actually victimized the shooter by saying that she “humiliated” him. How? Because she said “no” to his repeated attempts of pursuing a romantic relationship?
School shooting aside, men taking “no” as an invitation to try harder to win over a woman’s heart with more gusto is an issue that’s more common than we think. This is a mentality that many men innocently share and we felt necessary to explore the "why" behind.
See this viral tweet of a woman who gave her teen nephew some dating advice:
More conversations like these need to be had around consent when it comes to dating. Because while rape and more seemingly more aggressive forms of harassment are repeatedly drilled into young men’s head as no-no’s, situations like these often get swept under the rug until it becomes an issue.
We spoke to real men who shared their very REAL views with us on this hot topic:
Do men take “no” for an answer when trying to ask a woman out?
And has anyone ever told them that they should accept the initial “no” as the final answer?
"I never accept 'NO' as the final answer. Women with standards walk around with their guards up and high. It’s our job to be polite, respectful, and kind and bring those walls down.
I’ve never had anyone tell me 'no' because I never came across aggressive enough to force a 'yes' or 'no' response. It’s all about your presentation most importantly and of course your approach." -Al, 34
"If a woman says 'no' to me she’s missing out. I don’t ask twice. So it works for both of us. If a woman is interested, she won’t say no or play hard to get. I’m not much of a chaser." -Ramond, 30
"Um, that’s debatable. The woman could have a bad day, or not in the right space to appreciate the guys approach, then here comes a great guy that’s turned down.
On the other hand, you have a person whose intentions are clear and the woman is hip to it, and he gets a 'no'. I get told 'no' all the time. I tell myself, 'it’s their loss'. It had nothing to do with what I was told growing up." -Raymone, 34
"Most men don’t [take 'no' for an answer when asking a woman out], it’s actually very weird. Most guys I know use the rejection as fuel to win over the woman. Like they win a prize after they’ve gotten the girl who said 'no' to go out with them. Personally, I believe in leaving people alone after they say 'no'. But not all men are like that.
Do I think anybody has ever told them 'no' should be the final answer? Obviously not. From presidents of universities down to cooks in a restaurant, all races included, my experience is that most men believe “no” is just the beginning of getting a woman to like you. So no, I don’t think anyone has told them that the first 'no' should be the final answer." -Rob, 25
"I will take 'no' as the final answer. I don’t want to harass any woman. In the world, we live in, 'no', damn sure means 'NO' in 2018. I am not trying to be on the most wanted list for trying to take a woman to the movies." -Mark, 23
"I have a sister. And was raised by my mom and grandma. So it’s just about respect for me. So yeah, I will accept the 'no'. I was told it was always a woman right to reject a man." -Edwin, 26
"I would take the first 'no' as 'okay...but why? Is it my appearance? My look? Did I do something wrong?' But I would probably try one more time in a romantic way if I did not take that angle on the first approach." -Andre, 35
"In my experience every woman wants to feel desired. With that being said, any woman of substance is/has at some point told a man 'no' just to see how consistent and persistent he'll be. Telling me 'no', with no justifications (i.e married, not interested for other reasons etc.) it's just a 'no', not never.
I don’t think men should take the initial 'no' and move on, especially if there’s more than a sexual desire in mind. I was taught to be persistent. Women like that." -Sean, 28
"If it's just a random woman that you most likely never see again then sure take that loss. It's just another girl.
If it someone who's frequently being put in your path, persistance shows dedication to the time and attention the woman wants and deserves so the initial could just be her wanting to see more of an effort so that her time not yours is wasted." -James, 28
"Yes, 'no' is an appropriate answer. If I respectfully hit on a lady and she declines my advances I walk away and let that be that. I don’t recall being taught one way or another.
I have had situations where I was told she was interested but playing hard to get but I’m literal so doesn’t make sense to me if she declines or even gives the impression not interested. I only want something mutual because it is unnecessary work to MAKE someone see you or want to know you." -Drew, 31
(Photo: Getty Images)