Are You Too Insecure To Leave A Relationship If You're Broke AF?

<<enter caption here>> at Nate Holden Performing Arts Center on October 6, 2016 in Los Angeles, California.

Are You Too Insecure To Leave A Relationship If You're Broke AF?

Things that make you go “hmmm”.

Published August 13th

Season 3 of HBO's Insecure premiered on Sunday (Aug. 13) with another insane—but also completely relatable—relationship dilemma.

One of the perks of living in NYC, or nightmares, depending on who you ask, is that we have a viewing party for anything that airs that is tweet worthy. So, of course, I attended a cocktails and conversations sort of viewing party for the premiere, which turned into a weird debate about breakups. Especially when you broke!

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen the premiere, check it out for yourself to make sure Issa Rae wins over ratings ('cause obviously we're rooting for everybody Black). But also continue reading. Haha.

This show constantly challenges us to rethink our entire lives when it comes to dating. Remember last season we discovered that allegedly Black women not giving blow jobs is still a thing? This time we're talking about what happens after a breakup when you live together.

If you Google “relationship troubles” or “breakup,” there are a million blogs, articles, and relationship therapists preaching to the scorn on how to save a broken relationship or how to get over your ex. They start something like this “save a lot of money, consult with a lawyer, properly discuss the division of assets, and meet to be on one accord.” IRL, it’s not that easy when your net worth during the breakup is a pair of rare Jordans or a Gucci bag. When you got the coins, you will be in Molly’s position to say, “Give me my key back,” without even blinking an eye (which was hilarious, btw).

When you are two people like Lawrence and Issa characters, who were in the building phase before the breakup, it’s really nothing to divide. It’s all about getting the hell out and moving on--- as far away from your ex as possible. But does that mean shaking up with another ex?

As we saw in Sunday’s episode--- it’s incredibly rough it is when you don’t have options. Making your living situation work till you get on your feet isn't always an option either. In Issa's case, Lawrence found a good job and moved into his own place leaving Issa with an empty apartment and full rent. She had no choice but to move out because she couldn’t afford to live on her own. But plot twist...

Instead of turning to her friends, she decided to move in with her ex-fling who ultimately ruined her relationship in the first place. #Savage. But it might have been a premature move. One woman at said viewing party admitted they were honestly confused, “I am used to seeing it the other way around. When we are done with a guy, he doesn’t know how to leave, and he tends to try to stay on our couch because he is broke. If I ain’t got the coins, I will stay anywhere else but with our ex unless we wanted to be there. I personally would stay in the homeless shelter before I stay with my ex.”

While that opinion may be a tad extreme, after having a live-in relationship there will be complications after the breakup that no one can avoid. There are the social ones like mutual friends you gained through the relationship, those family members that fall in love with you or your ex, or new boos that come into your life, your exes and probably even your shared living space.

The financial complications, not as easy to evade. Tonya, another guest who is happily married said, “See this is why lawyers need to be present. Yes, I am leaving, but listen. I will be good because I will be taking half.”

Easier said than done. In Issa and Lawrence's situation, there wasn’t any half to take. They both were struggling financially together, so separately they were a hot mess. What good would a lawyer do you? Hell, that’s just another cost you can’t afford.
 

One of the guys, Ricky, 26, who proudly admitted he was #teamLawrence made an interesting point, “let’s be real, Lawrence probably wanted to leave Issa months before she f**ked another guy. He just didn’t have the money. As a man, he was forced out when she stepped out on him. That made him get his sh*t together though.”

“Issa started this show unhappy in that relationship. She tried to leave, but now we know she just didn’t have the money to leave. She stayed around making that guy feel less of himself because she was broke and she kept in him broke. She wasn’t uplifting him. I think relationships like this, couples remain comfortable into one person gets tired of it” argued Ryan, 28. So can a breakup force you to level up and regain your independence to survive?

I’d like to think so, but no level up challenge is worth being a hostage in a toxic relationship. Still, no one wants to be starving on the streets either. I, myself, was in a relationship for five years. The relationship probably ended two and a half years after it started. But we had too many financial obligations and a lifestyle built together. I was in my early 20s, and she was slightly more well off than I was. So yeah, I stayed around because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of moving to pay Los Angles high prices. Sidebar: she probably just blocked me.
 

In 2018, especially in big cities, it’s not uncommon after dating for a couple of months that you may find yourself signing a lease together and splitting bills. At that time, if your financial situation isn’t the best, a roommate situation with someone you are smashing sounds ideal. Most people go into these decisions with a long-term plan in mind of staying together. So we get it, #nojudgement. I was curious, so I asked others about leaving or staying in living situation after a breakup if your funds can’t sustain you on your own and you may be forced to do desperate things, like stay with your ex-hookup.

“It all depends on the situation. If you have family or close friends that live in the city, then that person should go there. If you both have no one in the city, then stay and make clear boundaries. But we all know lines get blurred, and you would eventually start f*cking!” said one party-goer, Tyrell.

Nadia, 31, added “If you are breaking a lease, there is that. If you all split bills, you may get stuck with the bills. Divide anything you acquire and move on. Figure it out like an adult” I asked her could she see herself moving in with her ex, she replied “hell no!”

“I’d stay in the apartment after we break up and just deal with it. I am not sure I would leave that space and go live with ANOTHER ex. I’ll stay put until we figure it out”, said Mike, 34.

“I would only stay with an ex if I wanted to entertain the idea of getting back with him. Otherwise no. I would, however, stay with the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with. He owes me that one. Cold world!” said Kamaria, 28.
 

Ok. But should there be limits?
 

And what do you do in these situations? People thought it was unrealistic AF that two heterosexual individuals of the opposite sex could have this weird living arrangement and felt it was best to just leave and be on your own, “someway somehow”. Yeah, I agree, adulting sometimes requires you to do whatever it takes to survive situations like a breakup to better yourself. I would recommend starting with a friend first versus an old snack.
 

Fans of the show seem to agree that one should move on, despite the complications the breakup may cause. Or if your friends think you are way too comfortable overstepping boundaries with others like your ex-vitamin D.
 

No matter if you are a woman or a man, you need to be comfortable and do what is best for you. A lot of people last night wondered why Issa just didn't pull-up on her successful friends to stay with them to avoid more stress of an ex but that isn't always an easy solution either. Let's be real, living with anyone is an adjustment and friends don't always mesh well in living situations either. My last piece of advice, you may be broke at the time of the breakup but don't end up broken altogether by staying with it. Leave the situation, just be careful where you're leaving to.


 

Written by Maurice Marcel

(Photo: Amanda Edwards/Getty Images)

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