Gone Boy: Why Do Men Ghost Women?

attends the Audi pre-Emmy celebration at the La Peer Hotel in West Hollywood on Friday, September 14, 2018.

Gone Boy: Why Do Men Ghost Women?

These 11 real men share their truths.

Published September 25, 2018

Is it cool to just go ghost on someone you just kicking it without any explanation? Well, after the latest episode of "Insecure," Black Twitter is like, "Hell to no!" Season 3 favorite Nathan, played by actor Kendrick Sampson, was once everyone's #MCE but is now getting a deadly side-eye after his disappearing act.

Nathan, you really gonna just leave Issa hanging like that?

 

But it seems like #LyftBaeHive got his back. Guys have even come to his defense.

But my people, let’s be honest—ghosting ain't cool and can lead to finding the person you hiding from showing up at your door like the Ghostbusters asking you, “Wassup?” Or even worse, sending you a DM from a fake account. Yikes!

 

In case you're completely lost on exactly what "ghosting" is, Urban Dictionary's top definition of the millennial coined term: To avoid someone until they get the picture and stop contacting you. But we really want to know is, why all the dodging in the first place?

These 11 guys share their ghostly tales of why they chose to vanish like a thief in the night to help solve this mystery with Nathan.

  1. “I changed my number”

    “During my senior year in undergrad, I was in Seattle for my internship. I met this girl who was working in another department at the site I was interning. We met my first day there, and she mad cool.  The first week, we hung out, and it was dope. So we did this for like two months. She knew I was leaving to go back to Miami a month later. She introduced me to her folks. Discussed my career plans and all.  So my last night there, it did happen like Nate and Issa. We chilling one night talking, and she was saying she was willing to move to Miami since I was planning on working here after graduation. I wasn’t looking for something long-term, and we just met for her to move across the country for me. So when I left to head back home. I changed my number because she kept blowing me up.  Back then, I wasn’t on Social Media like that, so yeah I stayed ghost.  I haven’t been to the West since, and won’t go because I know she may kill me.” -Troy, 30

     

  2. “Inconsistent is my middle name”

    “I was talking to this girl, and she would label it as us dating. She always wanted more time and consistency from me, but as a f**k boy, I wasn’t about that. We had sex a week before her birthday, and I had promised to take her out the following week to a concert and dinner. I ghosted two days before her birthday and went M.I.A. for half a year. I un-ghosted myself to apologize, and she was willing to try again. Instead of doing the same thing, I just told her from the jump that inconsistent is my middle name.” -Ray, 31

     

  3. “She was a whole different person I saw”

    "I met this girl at the grocery store one night. She was looking good and just left the gym. We exchanged numbers and chopped it up on the phone and through text. Like six nights later, we met up and basically had sex. So I was walking in the mall two days later saw her with some of her friends, and she was hood and loud with these other immature girls. In the food court like teenagers. She didn't see me, but I went ghost because clearly, she was a whole different person I saw. I ain't un-ghost myself yet because she probably likes to fight." -DJ, 27

     

  4. “I was just scared AF”

    “I ghosted on this girl because she told me was pregnant after a random hookup. After like two weeks I came back around because I was just scared AF, but I didn’t want to be one of those guys who do that to a kid. Come to find out she lied about being pregnant just to push me away. Damn Gina!” -Corey, 24

     

  5. “I didn’t want the drama”

    “I was kicking it with this girl off and on for about a year. My Ex came back into the picture, so I ghosted on her. I didn’t want the drama. I didn’t un-ghost myself though. Day 76, still gone.” -Ryan, 28

     

  6. “I hated traveling to BK”

    “I have commitment issues. I am working on it. But this one girl I was dating here in New York. She lived in Brooklyn, and I live in Harlem. I hated traveling to BK to see her so I would ghost on her. I would un-ghost when I knew I would run into her at events and stuff. So honestly, I don’t know if it was the commitment or me being lazy with the commute. She was a dope girl until she caught on and posted hours worth of memes about me in her story. Even last night after Insecure, she was going in about me.” -Aaron, 25

     

  7. “Because I had a WHOLE girlfriend at the time”

    “I use to follow this girl on IG who I thought was fine af! Every time she posts something...I double tap. She occasionally likes a pic of mine, well maybe more than occasionally, but still, nothing came of it. I’ve never been the type to slide in a DM, I dunno, something about the paper trail aspect of it, or maybe being a part of the sea of thirsties that be in girl’s inboxes shooting sad shots. So my boy wanted to throw a BBQ and told me to invite some people. He happened to tell me to invite this girl because he had a crush. Seeing that it wouldn’t be for me, I felt emboldened to reach out to her via DM. We talk, I explain my boy wants her to come thru...blah blah. She asked for my number, and when she texts me, her contact was already SAVED IN MY PHONE! And when the name popped up, I immediately remembered her! Turns out before the days of IG we had a, well, for lack of a better word, an “encounter.” The one night kind at my place. And after that, I completely went ghost on her. I did it because I had a WHOLE girlfriend at the time, and TBH it wasn’t that good to start a whole affair over. I asked if she remembered me, and in minutes she was like ‘OOOHHH I remember you! You treated me like s**t!’ Honestly, I apologized because it really is a terrible thing to do. I think guys do it because it’s just easy!" -TJ, 29

     

  8. “Because girls ghost too”

    “I’ve had to ghost a few crazies because you telling them, 'look you crazy, and I can’t do this’---DONT WORK! And because girls ghost too! But that’s usually when they get pregnant and you either not the father...or you are the father, but they don’t want you nowhere around the baby." -Tristen, 30

     

  9. “I was dating two girls who were friends”

    “I had to go ghost when I found out I was dating two girls who were friends. So I went ghost on both of them. By the time I tried to un-ghost myself with the one I had liked the most. I was blocked on every form of communication. So I was literally a ghost at that point.” -Dre, 33

     

  10. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”

    “I ghosted because I cheated. Me and the woman weren’t technically together or having sex, but I liked her a lot. I was communicating with another woman from college who lived in DC while I was getting to know her. I hooked up with the friend from college a couple times, and she ended up pregnant. So I went ghost because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Eventually, I un-ghost myself and told her the truth. She took it well. She said we could still be cool, but I ghosted it again because I actually started falling for her.” -Ian, 36

     

  11. “She was breaking my pockets”

    “I met this girl off one of the apps. We met up a couple of times, and she would always suggest going to these really bougie restaurants for dinner. She graduated from an Ivy League school and was very high maintenance. I found all that to be extremely sexy, but I couldn’t afford her lifestyle. She was breaking my pockets every time we linked up. Like even for drinks, it was an easy 200 dollars! She would always unconsciously brag about the men she dated, and they all had money. Like Wall Street guys to other Pro Athletes like myself. So I went ghost on her because I felt she only was dealing with me for the status and my money. Like she wouldn’t want to do anything simple.  During the holidays I un-ghosted myself and reached out to her just to wish her happy holidays. She responded with the classic ‘who dis?’ I was like, 'Wow, bet!'” -Derek, 26

     

Written by Maurice Marcel

(Photo: Charley Gallay via Getty Images)

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