Commentary: Dumbing Yourself Down for Love...Is It Worth It?

Couple on a date

Commentary: Dumbing Yourself Down for Love...Is It Worth It?

Why "dumbing down" hurts your chances at finding love.

Published July 28, 2014

If you’ve ever found yourself maneuvering through a dead-end courtship, constantly unable to truly voice your opinions, then you’ve probably learned that it’s better to be alone than to masquerade as somebody else for the sake of your partner. And if you haven’t, let me give you an education on the matter.

I’ll be the first to admit that when it comes to this whole dating game, there are so many rules that I honestly can’t keep up. Unfortunately for women, “dumbing yourself down” as a way to pump up your mate’s ego is one that continues to linger. Truth be told, I never really understood this entire notion until I found myself playing the role.

After countless dating disasters, I finally chose to approach the dating scene with an entirely new perspective. I began dating a guy with whom, although our backgrounds were extremely different in terms of general interests, goals and ambition, there was still a spark that drew me in.

During our very brief courtship, the little things started to add up to major pet peeves, such as his use of the wrong words during dinner dates and his lack of knowledge about current events. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so instead of correcting him as I would in any other setting, I was easy-breezy. I smiled, giggled, proceeded with caution and discussed things more aligned within his comfort zone.

I eventually broke things off with him when I realized he was more intrigued with the façade I created instead of getting to know the real me. And could I really blame him? I wasn’t being my authentic self, so why should I expect to be wowed by our stimulating conversation and deep connection? Not only was it a wake-up call, but it was also a learning experience.

And the lesson is this: Don’t sell yourself short in your quest for love because men who are secure in themselves aren’t frightened by being in the company of a sexy, strong, intelligent woman. Be your authentic self and you’ll attract the person you seek.

The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of BET Networks. always gives you the latest fashion and beauty trends, tips and news. We are committed to bringing you the best of Black lifestyle and celebrity culture. 

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(Photo: Sam Edwards/Getty Images)

Written by Dontaira Terrell


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