Being abandoned by his dad has left "a huge scar,” he says.
With the arrival of his daughter (or son) just around the corner, Jay-Z is likely thinking a lot about being a first-time father. But the self-made mogul is clear about one thing: he’ll do things differently than his own dad.
In the December issue of GQ, Jay admits that being abandoned by his own father at age 11 has left him “a little paranoid” about being a dad himself. "I don't think any person ... goes into a relationship thinking they aren't going to be there," he says. "You just never know."
"If your dad died before you were born, yeah, it hurts, but it's not like you had a connection with something that was real," he explains. "Not to say it's any better, but to have that connection and then have it ripped away was, like, the worst. My dad was such a good dad that when he left, he left a huge scar. He was my superhero."
It wasn't until more than 20 years later that Jay-Z, then 33, reunited with his father. "[I talked about] what it did to me, what it meant, asked him why. There was no real answer. There was nothing he could say, because there's no excuse for that. There really isn't," he said. "So there was nothing he could say to satisfy me, except to hear me out. And it was up to me to forgive and let it go."
As for what type of father Jay will be to his little Hov? "Hopefully one that can have conversations," Jay-Z tells E! Online. "Your child could come to you and have any type of conversation. I always hope for that kind of open relationship."
And don’t think that the rapper will be the kind of father who just brings home the bacon and signs the checks. "Providing — that's not love," he told GQ. "Being there — that's more important."