The singer says she favored God over rehab.
(Photo: Los Angeles Confidential)
Mary J. Blige has always been honest about the trials she's experienced during her life and, in a recent interview with Los Angeles Confidential, the singer opens up about some of the darker moments and how she managed to get through them all.
"That's it. Life. You start from day one. And what we spoke about earlier — when I was 5 years old. That one dark moment," Blige says about being molested as a child. "It only happened once, but after that there was so much else in my childhood that happened. So many dark moments — which all added up and that's what sprung on the drug addiction, trying to numb it all with the drugs. The depression. The lack of love for myself. The lack of people loving you around you. The abandonment issues. Daddy not being there all the time. Mommy not knowing how to handle it all. Although she loves you, she abandons you at some point too. I'm not saying that to be down on my mom. She was just a cursed woman as well. There have been so many other dark moments that I can't even talk about. I have given the world so much and even in the middle of all that stuff there has been so much s--t going on. It was all those tributaries that gave me such deep soul. But it is those same things that now have taught me how to be strong. In the past those were the same things that were killing me. But I made it out. I made it out."
Clinging to God is what helped Blige sort through her addictions and find her way out. She even admits to shunning rehab and opting for religion instead.
"I don't know why. But I didn't want to go to rehab. I believe that anything man himself can do for me, God can do for me in a greater way. I decided to pray and to seek God on my own. I just stayed in The Word. And it worked," she says.
"I loved God, but I didn't love myself. When I would get really, really high and the daytime would come, I would feel like God was watching me. And that's when I'd start to go into this panic thing. I remember one night I was soooooo high. And as I was trying to go to sleep there was this dream… mmmmm…. Gosh, man, I don't know if I should be telling you all of this. But let me put it this way. I believe in God so much that I would not let the enemy win my soul. You know what I'm sayin'? God loves me no matter what."
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(Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images)