[Look] Let's Face It, Hillary Needs A Brown VP
With the dust just about settled, it looks like the 58th U.S. Presidential election will be a battle between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. How did we get to this point? After what seemed to be the 88th installment of “Super Tuesday,” Hillary Clinton won four out of five contests over Bernie Sanders, and billionaire Donald Trump won a clean sweep, going five for five against Ted Cruz and John Kasich. It’s been a long time coming. Much to the dismay of most Americans the 2016 election cycle has been one of the longest in recent history. Although the candidates are both white, that doesn't mean that someone of the Black and brown community can’t get some shine in the VP spot. In this first installment, we'll look at Clinton’s possible VP picks.
Age: 41
Job: U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
Claim to fame: Gave nomination speech for President Obama at 2012 DNC.
Pros: Hispanic, young, Hispanic, did we mention he’s Hispanic?
Cons: Has a twin brother, which might make the White House Christmas party awkward if Hillary calls one by the other's name.
Odds: 2:1
Julian Castro took the scene by storm when he gave an electrifying nomination speech for President Obama at the 2012 Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina. Ever since then, the former Mayor of San Antonio has been in the public eye. His speech was so well received President Obama named Castro the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. Some say he’s the odds-on favorite.
Age: 59
Job: Civil rights lawyer
Claim to fame: First Black governor of Massachusetts.
Pros: Black, experienced, Black... Do you notice a trend here?
Cons: Named “Deval” after eight years of a president named “Barack,” a vice president named Deval may be a bit much for some Americans to handle. Spent $10,000 on new drapes for the Massachusetts governor's mansion. (In his defense he succeeded Mitt Romney as Massachusetts's governor, you know that house was probably tacky as hell.)
Odds: 5:1
Deval Patrick made history in 2007 when he became the first Black governor of Massachusetts. In his two terms as governor, Patrick would make the Democratic Party proud pushing tougher gun control laws, spending historic amounts on public education and supporting marriage equality. Patrick is an effective administrator but not the greatest public speaker. The former governor admitted in 2006 that he doesn't particularly like “standing in front of cameras talking to people” which is 97 percent of a vice president's job. The other 3 percent? Making sure the White House cafeteria menu is on point. Taco Tuesday is crucial. Crucial!
Age: 47
Job: U.S. Senator, New Jersey
Claim to fame: Pulling constituents from burning buildings. Seriously.
Pros: Black; Legislative and Executive experience; saves people from burning buildings.
Cons: Possible Obama clone, not married, does firefighters' jobs for them.
Odds: 10:1
Cory Booker has gained folk hero status with the people of Newark, New Jersey. During his tenure as mayor, Booker lived in a housing project, patrolled the streets in his own car, invited displaced Hurricane Sandy victims to stay at his house, and pulled a woman out of a burning building. Forget vice president, this dude should be King! The only major flaw in Booker's game is that he's too much like Obama. He's a charismatic young Black man who has a flair for public speaking. It would be hard for him not to be looked at as Obama 2.0 or Obama's clone. On the bright side, if his career in politics goes stale, he could always join the fire department.
Age: 67
Job: Actor
Claim to fame: Famous movie star.
Pros: Commands respect, legendary stare.
Cons: “Yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!”
Odds: 200,000:1
Samuel L. Jackson has been a mainstay in American cinema for over 30 years. He was in Pulp Fiction, played Shaft and got the distinct honor to be in a movie with LL Cool J. The only downside to Jackson is that he has absolutely zero political experience. But neither does the presumptive Republican nominee. Hey, it's 2016, a magical year where all things are possible.
Age: 34
Job: Singer-Songwriter
Claim to fame: She’s freaking Beyoncé.
Pros: Being Beyoncé, diva, has no problem throwing shade at the men in her life. I have no qualms.
Cons: Politically inexperienced; Super Bowl Halftime performance; would have to spend prolonged time with Bill Clinton on a campaign bus. (That won’t be good for anyone.)
Odds: 500,000:1
What can you say about Beyoncé that hasn’t already been said? Literally nothing. Beyoncé is a star in every sense of the word, which would be both a good thing and a bad thing. Star power is needed for a successful ticket. But the problem with a Hillary-Beyoncé pairing is… let’s face it. Beyoncé would defiantly take some shine off Hill. The VP candidate can’t be a bigger star than the presidential candidate. Ask John McCain how that worked out for him. On another note, if you think Beyoncé threw her father and Jay Z under the bus, imagine the type of Lemonade she’ll throw on Bill.
Age: 69 (…)
Job: Former President; Secretary of Explaining Stuff (unofficial office)
Pros: Experienced; brilliant; former president.
Cons: Don’t make us say it.
Odds: 1,000,000:1
Hillary Clinton will be forever linked with our nation’s first Black president. And for good reason. She married him. Yes, William Jefferson Clinton was dubbed the “first Black president.” Even though that’s not true, good old bubba endeared himself to the Black and brown people of this nation. He did lose some street cred when he barked on the Black Lives Matter protesters, but time heals all wounds. Bill Clinton’s entire career is a testament to that. Running for president is all about marketability and a Clinton-Clinton ticket would have the appeal of a Walmart blue-light special. Clinton-Clinton: Two Presidents for the Price of One! Or Clinton2: Presidency to the Second Power!
Age: 38
Job: Feeling like she's Black.
Claim to fame: Pretending to be Black.
Pros: White on the outside.
Cons: Thinks she's Black on the inside.
Odds: 30,000,000:1
Rachel Dolezal is a wildcard in the mix. Hillary already has a strong lock on the Black vote but the jury's still out on the people-trying-to-be-Black vote. That could be a problem. A Clinton-Dolezal ticket might just be what this country needs to heal the vicious racial divide that has intensified over the past few years. Their campaign slogan writes itself. Clinton-Dolezal: Keeping It Real!
