The Best Advice I Ever Received

Real women offer life-changing insight. Soak it in!

#Truth - Everyone has an opinion, but we can assure you that they are not all valid. But sometimes, folks can offer life-changing insight. Here, real women, young and older, share the best advice they ever received. Soak it in! By Kenrya Rankin (Photo: Mango Productions/Corbis)

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#Truth - Everyone has an opinion, but we can assure you that they are not all valid. But sometimes, folks can offer life-changing insight. Here, real women, young and older, share the best advice they ever received. Soak it in! By Kenrya Rankin (Photo: Mango Productions/Corbis)

Stephcynie, 30, Nashville, TN - “My grandfather, Robert Eugene Edwards, told me: ‘Never expect anyone to hand you your dream.’ Even if you aren’t currently working on something that seems like it is getting you closer to what you truly want to do, always be moving and doing something. If your heart is set on getting somewhere, you will get there, it might take you down a path that you weren’t expecting, but you will reach your destination and you will be satisfied. It’s a lesson I realized earlier this year, when I released my first full length record on my own. I worked on many different things that had nothing to do with music along the way and I wanted so badly to give up. But, I took his advice and kept moving, and I am now a full-time paid musician. It’s pretty sweet." (Photo: Lisa Mac)

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Stephcynie, 30, Nashville, TN - “My grandfather, Robert Eugene Edwards, told me: ‘Never expect anyone to hand you your dream.’ Even if you aren’t currently working on something that seems like it is getting you closer to what you truly want to do, always be moving and doing something. If your heart is set on getting somewhere, you will get there, it might take you down a path that you weren’t expecting, but you will reach your destination and you will be satisfied. It’s a lesson I realized earlier this year, when I released my first full length record on my own. I worked on many different things that had nothing to do with music along the way and I wanted so badly to give up. But, I took his advice and kept moving, and I am now a full-time paid musician. It’s pretty sweet." (Photo: Lisa Mac)

Mickelle Jackson, 34, Cherry Hill, NJ - “I was applying to jobs and despite having several interviews that seemed to go well, I wasn’t getting any offers. My friend Maya Whitaker told me, ‘What is for you is already yours.’ She shared a personal experience of applying to a job and screwing up during the interview and even accidentally sending her thank you email template instead of the intended note — and she was still hired. When it’s for you, she explained, it’s impossible for you to screw it up. And if something is not for you, there’s nothing so right you can do to get what doesn’t belong to you. These days, I don’t get so down when things don’t work out. I accept that it just wasn’t His plan for my life.”(Photo: Constance Johnson)

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Mickelle Jackson, 34, Cherry Hill, NJ - “I was applying to jobs and despite having several interviews that seemed to go well, I wasn’t getting any offers. My friend Maya Whitaker told me, ‘What is for you is already yours.’ She shared a personal experience of applying to a job and screwing up during the interview and even accidentally sending her thank you email template instead of the intended note — and she was still hired. When it’s for you, she explained, it’s impossible for you to screw it up. And if something is not for you, there’s nothing so right you can do to get what doesn’t belong to you. These days, I don’t get so down when things don’t work out. I accept that it just wasn’t His plan for my life.”(Photo: Constance Johnson)

India Williams, 19, Los Angeles, CA  - “My mother told me: ‘Don’t let anyone allow you to feel bad about yourself. If you value yourself, others will, too.’ I find myself applying this advice very often as a college student. I’m meeting tons of new people and hoping to build positive relationships along the way…but there have times when I’ve run into a bit of a negative crowd. I just remember that I’m in control of whether or not I let others influence how I feel about myself."(Photo: Raphael Maglonzo)

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India Williams, 19, Los Angeles, CA  - “My mother told me: ‘Don’t let anyone allow you to feel bad about yourself. If you value yourself, others will, too.’ I find myself applying this advice very often as a college student. I’m meeting tons of new people and hoping to build positive relationships along the way…but there have times when I’ve run into a bit of a negative crowd. I just remember that I’m in control of whether or not I let others influence how I feel about myself."(Photo: Raphael Maglonzo)

Maya Odei, 21, Jersey City, NJ - “I was discussing my hesitation in selecting which university to attend with an alum of my high school, and he said to me, ‘It seems like you’re struggling. What are you struggling with?’ Those words made me realize that difficult decisions often arise when there is a conflict between what you think you ‘should’ do and what you actually want to do. In my case, I wanted to attend one university, but felt that the other was the ‘right’ choice, because it was more prestigious. Now, whenever I'm struggling with a decision, I step back and say, ‘Ok, I’m having trouble here because I feel pressure to do X, but don’t want to.’ Simply recognizing what’s going on often helps me reject X and do what I’d actually like to do instead.” (Photo: Jonathan Conklin)

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Maya Odei, 21, Jersey City, NJ - “I was discussing my hesitation in selecting which university to attend with an alum of my high school, and he said to me, ‘It seems like you’re struggling. What are you struggling with?’ Those words made me realize that difficult decisions often arise when there is a conflict between what you think you ‘should’ do and what you actually want to do. In my case, I wanted to attend one university, but felt that the other was the ‘right’ choice, because it was more prestigious. Now, whenever I'm struggling with a decision, I step back and say, ‘Ok, I’m having trouble here because I feel pressure to do X, but don’t want to.’ Simply recognizing what’s going on often helps me reject X and do what I’d actually like to do instead.” (Photo: Jonathan Conklin)

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Crysten Moore, 19, Dayton, OH - “My advice came from my parents, Greta and Stephen Moore, and my cousin, Lakia Gray. They taught me that change is inevitable. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, but you have to remember who you are and know that God is faithful. Your surroundings will change, your group of friends will change, your interests will change and your character will be tested. So it’s key to define the intangible things that make you, you. Find the morals and values that you’re unwilling to let go of and you will be surprised at how much easier it is to make some decisions.”(Photo: Crysten Moore)

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Crysten Moore, 19, Dayton, OH - “My advice came from my parents, Greta and Stephen Moore, and my cousin, Lakia Gray. They taught me that change is inevitable. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, but you have to remember who you are and know that God is faithful. Your surroundings will change, your group of friends will change, your interests will change and your character will be tested. So it’s key to define the intangible things that make you, you. Find the morals and values that you’re unwilling to let go of and you will be surprised at how much easier it is to make some decisions.”(Photo: Crysten Moore)

Patrice Tartt, 32, Woodbridge, VA - “In 2011, just three months after I had my son, my dad passed away. I was devastated. My mentor advised me to push past the pain. For me, that meant writing down my feelings as a form of therapy, which turned into a book that I eventually self-published. I was able to simultaneously process the loss of my father and tap into a gift and passion that I didn’t know I had. Push past the pain.” (Photo: Davene Turner)

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Patrice Tartt, 32, Woodbridge, VA - “In 2011, just three months after I had my son, my dad passed away. I was devastated. My mentor advised me to push past the pain. For me, that meant writing down my feelings as a form of therapy, which turned into a book that I eventually self-published. I was able to simultaneously process the loss of my father and tap into a gift and passion that I didn’t know I had. Push past the pain.” (Photo: Davene Turner)

Tanesha Lindsay, 34, San Antonio, TX - “One of my mentors taught me that when you don’t know something professionally, it pays to use one of three responses: 1. ‘Get on my calendar.’ 2. ‘I’ll get back to you on that.’ 3. ‘I’ll get on your calendar to discuss.’ And then actually follow up. I’m a nurse, and I used this advice most while adjusting to a new role after a promotion. It was super effective with both my superiors and subordinates as I learned the new processes and procedures.” (Photo: Courtesy of Tanesha Lindsay)

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Tanesha Lindsay, 34, San Antonio, TX - “One of my mentors taught me that when you don’t know something professionally, it pays to use one of three responses: 1. ‘Get on my calendar.’ 2. ‘I’ll get back to you on that.’ 3. ‘I’ll get on your calendar to discuss.’ And then actually follow up. I’m a nurse, and I used this advice most while adjusting to a new role after a promotion. It was super effective with both my superiors and subordinates as I learned the new processes and procedures.” (Photo: Courtesy of Tanesha Lindsay)

Mariana Leung, 35, New York, NY   - “Working in fashion, you come across some toxic personalities. My boss gave me this advice for handling verbally abusive people in power: ‘Ask the abuser to repeat themselves.’ This works in two ways. One, if the person was just having a horrible day, it gives them an opportunity to apologize and realize they were unreasonable. Two, if the person doesn’t apologize, it verifies to the public they are in the wrong and expose themselves if you ever need to confront them via human resources. I’ve successfully used it during New York Fashion Week. Once, a power-mad intern was very rude to me backstage while checking in at a show. I calmly asked him to repeat himself. He paused and apologized for getting caught up in the chaos of the day. I accepted his apology and he looked relieved that I didn’t call him out more publicly in front of his s...

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Mariana Leung, 35, New York, NY   - “Working in fashion, you come across some toxic personalities. My boss gave me this advice for handling verbally abusive people in power: ‘Ask the abuser to repeat themselves.’ This works in two ways. One, if the person was just having a horrible day, it gives them an opportunity to apologize and realize they were unreasonable. Two, if the person doesn’t apologize, it verifies to the public they are in the wrong and expose themselves if you ever need to confront them via human resources. I’ve successfully used it during New York Fashion Week. Once, a power-mad intern was very rude to me backstage while checking in at a show. I calmly asked him to repeat himself. He paused and apologized for getting caught up in the chaos of the day. I accepted his apology and he looked relieved that I didn’t call him out more publicly in front of his s...

Sola Adelowo, 38, Indianapolis, IN - “Lori Fouché, president of annuities at Prudential Financial, told me: ‘Always be your best self. Don’t dim your light to make others feel secure or happy.’ That advice helped me understand that my peers and managers will not always support or appreciate my talents and insights, and that some negative feedback is really just a cover for someone else’s insecurities. When it happened at my last job, I realized that my creativity and strategic thinking were no longer valuable to the company even though they had moved me around the country to help strengthen the company. So I poured my savings into starting my own business, ImageCube. Without Lori’s advice, I wouldn’t have recognized the importance of the moment nor adapted accordingly.” (Photo: Courtesy of Sola Adelowo)

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Sola Adelowo, 38, Indianapolis, IN - “Lori Fouché, president of annuities at Prudential Financial, told me: ‘Always be your best self. Don’t dim your light to make others feel secure or happy.’ That advice helped me understand that my peers and managers will not always support or appreciate my talents and insights, and that some negative feedback is really just a cover for someone else’s insecurities. When it happened at my last job, I realized that my creativity and strategic thinking were no longer valuable to the company even though they had moved me around the country to help strengthen the company. So I poured my savings into starting my own business, ImageCube. Without Lori’s advice, I wouldn’t have recognized the importance of the moment nor adapted accordingly.” (Photo: Courtesy of Sola Adelowo)

Jocelyn Negron-Rios, 38, Huntersville, NC - “The best advice I ever received was from a labor and delivery nurse while I was giving birth to my first child. She was a tough nurse with a Brooklyn accent and she told both my husband and me that it was important that we make time for each other despite the demands that parenting would bring. That it was important to go out on dates and do solo vacations. She said that while our children were important and should be a priority, that they would eventually grow up, go to college and leave us. And that if we didn’t spend those years in between cultivating our marriage and relationship that we would have nothing left once the kids leave. She was right. We always make time for each other and take at least one vacation a year without the kids in tow. It helps us remember who we were before kids and helps us to stay connected despite the dem...

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Jocelyn Negron-Rios, 38, Huntersville, NC - “The best advice I ever received was from a labor and delivery nurse while I was giving birth to my first child. She was a tough nurse with a Brooklyn accent and she told both my husband and me that it was important that we make time for each other despite the demands that parenting would bring. That it was important to go out on dates and do solo vacations. She said that while our children were important and should be a priority, that they would eventually grow up, go to college and leave us. And that if we didn’t spend those years in between cultivating our marriage and relationship that we would have nothing left once the kids leave. She was right. We always make time for each other and take at least one vacation a year without the kids in tow. It helps us remember who we were before kids and helps us to stay connected despite the dem...