Chris Rock's Best Stand-Up Quotes
The funnyman's most memorable quotes.
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Chris Rock Hosts The 2014 BET Awards - Chris Rock will host the 2014 BET Awards. Translation? Ish just got real. The biggest night in music coupled with his unique brand of funny is sure to be must-see TV. In honor of Mr. Rock spearheading hosting duties, BET.com spotlights some of the top quotes from his stand-up acts.
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On Being Black & Failing Black History - “A Black man failing Black history… ain’t that some sad s**t… 'cause you know, fat people don’t fail cooking!” — Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)(Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
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On Gun Control - “Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.” — Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)(Photo: Bobby Bank/WireImage)
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The Plain Truth - "Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do." — Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)(Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images)
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On The Truth About The Oscars - “The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, ‘If you’d done that in the movie, you’d have won an Oscar, girl.’” — Rock hosting the 2005 Academy Awards(Photo: REUTERS/STEPHEN CHERNIN/LANDOV)
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On Fronting - “Relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie! ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act, sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative!” — Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)(Photo: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)
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On Racism - “Who’s more racist, Black people or white people? It’s Black people! You know why? Because we hate Black people too! Everything white people don’t like about Black people, Black people really don’t like about Black people. And there’s two sides, there’s Black people and there’s n**gas. The n**gas have got to go!” — Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)(Photo: Bobby Bank/WireImage)
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…On Wifes Aimlessly Introducing Husbands - "Fellas, when we get married we become women's pets. Women like to get their husbands together that don't even know each other and have grown-man playdate. They'll put you in a room with another man (that you don't know) and be like: 'He likes baseball just like you.' Then you’re in a room with another man you don’t know, like: 'I like baseball, baseball is good.' It's like: 'Honey! I don’t need no new friends, if you want to help me out introduce me to a girl.'” (Photo: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images)