Don't You Dare: 10 Reasons Why a Prince Biopic Can Never Happen

A Prince biopic? Don't. Just don't.


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Purple Tears - It hasn’t been a full week since Prince passed away, and there are already the semi-joking rumblings of a biopic. As any fan of the Purple One knows, Prince led an incredibly private life — punctuated with exceptional community service and activism where he didn’t require a giant billboard of his good deeds, he simply just did them. Above all though, Prince was in a class by himself musically, aesthetically, and personality-wise. You don’t ruin all that with a biopic. Here are 10 reasons why a Prince biopic CANNOT and SHOULD NOT happen. Take our advice on this one, please. – Kathy Iandoli   (Photo: Photoshot, PacificCoastNews)


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Look at the Current Track Record of Biopics - Do we even want to go there? With the Lifetime biopics being hit or miss (no diss, but you know this is like multiple misses and maybe one hit), coupled with the backlash Zoe Saldana has already received from Nina, this could go all wrong pretty quickly.  (Photo: Michael Putland/Getty Images)


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Would It Even Get Off the Ground? - What happens if we get our hopes up, they cast some super awesome actor to play Prince and it doesn’t happen or barely gains recognition? Remember when Pink was supposed to play Janis Joplin? Where did that go? Andre 3000 as Jimi Hendrix? That didn’t hit. The disappointment would ensue if we ended up actually wanting the biopic and it didn't deliver.   (Photo: Photoshot, PacificCoastNews)


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Who Would Be Cast as The Purple One? - Where would they find someone who could fill Prince's purple shoes? They would have to comb through every single film studio on the Earth (and possibly beyond) to even find someone with the amount of talent it would take to even attempt to replicate the magic of one Prince Rogers Nelson. It's almost impossible.  (Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)


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Costume Designers Using the Thread of Gods - We all know that Prince's family would never donate his Princely robes for this imaginary biopic, and chances are no designer would want to touch this one. Prince was/is a style icon, so if a film were to come out, the wardrobe would have to be divine.  (Photo: Marc S Canter/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)


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The 'Secret Vault' of Music - Apparently Prince has tons and tons of unreleased music that will more than likely never see the light of day now that he's gone. With biopics, one of two things happens: the actor sings the songs themselves (eek, don't attempt Prince) or they lip-sync the artist. If we're not getting some unreleased heat, then none of this is worth it.   (Photo: Photoshot, PacificCoastNews)

Prince?s Family Would Never Be Into This - Considering how intimate his final send off was, do we really think his family would give the OK to let anyone touch his life story?  (Photo: AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian, File)

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Prince’s Family Would Never Be Into This - Considering how intimate his final send off was, do we really think his family would give the OK to let anyone touch his life story?  (Photo: AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian, File)


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Fact Checking Would Be Impossible - Knowing Prince personally was like Fight Club: you never really revealed that tidbit. We're learning only now how many people truly knew Prince and were touched by him, but how can you possibly find all of those people to adequately determine fact from fiction? Any hiccup of facts would cause an uproar.  (Photo: Georges De Keerle/Getty Images)


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The Film Would Be Like Five Hours - Prince lived several lives within 57 years. You can't possibly wedge that into two hours. Not gonna happen. The biopic would have to come in three parts, and while most true fans would show up for that, it still wouldn't be enough time.   (Photo: Photoshot, PacificCoastNews)


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Real Fans of Prince Would Hate It Off GP - Calling yourself a Prince fan involves a very strict set of responsbilities that come with extensive knowledge of his discography and understanding of any information that was within reach. However, Prince is Prince and Prince fans are Prince fans and will totally hate this biopic just by the sheer nature of its creation. That's inevitable.  (Photo: Ebet Roberts/Redferns)


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Not Enough Tea - Ninety-five percent of the time, Prince was not here for it. Shall we direct your attention to the "We Are the World" moment where Prince was sucking on a lollipop completely uninvolved? Prince served epic levels of both face and shade, and let's be honest: no one could replicate that. And why should they? Prince was Prince. So let's throw up some prayer-hand emojis that no one touches his legendary life for film. Let's not attempt to recreate that incomparable legacy.  (Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)