Robes for Rob Kardashian Because He Needs a New One

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 18:  Rob Kardashian  is see  in Manhattan on May 18, 2016 in New York City.  (Photo by Raymond Hall/GC Images)

Robes for Rob Kardashian Because He Needs a New One

Including thread counts high enough to soak up all his tears.

Published July 6, 2017

Yesterday's latest batch of Rob-Chyna dramz brought about a lot of questions: Rob, are you good? Did Chyna actually have a threesome with T.I. and Tiny? Will Chyna pursue legal action? And... what's with the robe fixation?

There's a lot that we still don't or might not ever know. But one thing we do know about is a good robe. Ah, yes, though most of yesterday's theatrics revolved around the ephemeral nature that social media fosters — there were nudes, then deleted nudes, then reposted nudes, then a suspended account, all before the failed #RobExposedChynaParty moved to Twitter — the finite tangibility of robes was brought up again and again. Mostly because it seemed that although Rob had a lot to get off his chest, and he certainly didn't hold back, something about another man post-coitally wearing an expensive robe he had purchased truly shook him to the core. 

Fear not, Robert Kardashian Jr., we have some robe suggestions for you. The following five options all have high enough thread counts that suggest they'd be absorbent enough to sop up all his hot tears. Bible!

Versace, $575
Versace, $575
(Photo: Versace)

OK, this is the same exact model of the robe in question. It's Versace, it's flashy, and "this soft and iconically covered bathrobe exudes luxury," according to the product description. The vibe of this robe, we would say, is "loud," so that gives us some direction in terms of what types of robes might strike Rob's fancy. While it's possible that he'd be interested in an exact replacement, it's also wholly possible that this robe could now be considered a trigger. In which case...

Versace, $650
Versace, $650
(Photo: Versace)

May we suggest this robe instead? It's a more toned-down version of the original On My Way to Steal Your Girl garment, but more expensive, which suggests there may be something more compelling about it. It includes a Medusa head on the back, a cheeky touch for a member of a family that has long been accused of having Illuminati ties. But maybe Versace robes in general are now taboo for Rob, so instead...

Daniel Harrison, $2,195
Daniel Harrison, $2,195
(Photo: Neiman Marcus)

Something tells us that this velvet robe would be Lord Disick-approved. It includes brocade embroidery, similar to the initial robe, so it could be an easy transition for Bob to make. It is also extremely expensive, at $2,200, but the prince of Calabasas has money to blow, so it's within reason for him. Judging from Rob's initial robe pick, and his demonstrated propensity for darker colors (they are, after all, more slimming), wethinks this could be a good fit. With all the money he'll be saving by declining to bankroll Chyna's future endeavors, he could assert his financial standing with this very pricey robe. And by peacocking in the comfort of his own home, his fragile masculinity will not be endangered. (That is, unless, he decides to go nuclear on social media again.)

 

 

Fendi, $390
Fendi, $390
(Photo: Harrod's)

Perhaps this Fendi style could work? FF, Fendi's signature monogram, stands for Fendi Fun, and that's exactly what this whimsical robe is! This robe is still within Rob's desired color palate, and Fendi does a lot of kid's clothes with this monster-looking-eyeball-thing, which could create a perfect twinning opportunity for him and Dream, which he could then share on social media, which he clearly loves doing! Fendi's overlord, Karl Lagerfeld, is a friend of the Kardashians, so it would be an on-brand choice.

 

 

Paul Smith, $395
Paul Smith, $395
(Photo: Saks Fifth Avenue)

This robe is the wild card of the bunch, being that it deviates from Rob's typical taste, but we had to add it in for good measure. It's cotton, which is perfectly breathable for the arid Hidden Hills weather, and vertical stripes are known to be universally slimming. Ringing in at a mere $395, it's a modest choice, but the inevitable, messy division of Rob and Chyna's shared assets might have him thinking twice about casually dropping a stack on a robe.

Written by Lainey Sidell

(Photo: Raymond Hall/GC Images)

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