Real Women Reveal Their Most Extra (But Effective) "Stalking" Tactics

Real Women Reveal Their Most Extra (But Effective) "Stalking" Tactics

From looking for #GhostBae to checking up on an ex—these ladies got you!

Published September 28, 2018

Stalking—we’ve all done it before, right?

If you’re thinking, ‘No. That’s totally illegal and even if it were true, I’d never willingly admit it to the police nevertheless in my own head,” then let me explain. I’m not talking about the creepy, breaking-the-law type of stuff. I’m talking about the normal-ish, curiosity-got-the-best-of me type. Let’s call it light stalking, if you will. So if you’ve ever regularly checked up on ex on social media via a fake account because you don’t follow each other anymore, then you, my friend, are GUILTY.

I guess “creepy” is relative. But if it makes you feel any better, there’s a whole wide world of women (I’m most certainly sure there’s men out there too) casually stalking their boyfriends, exes, side pieces, boo thangs and completely oblivious crushes in efforts to know more. Yes, sometimes getting to know bae better means having to go Inspector Gadget on that ass!

Spoiler alert: Insecure’s latest episode explored the vast universe of stalking and its methods via Issa and her uncontrollable need to know where TF Nathan is. From sliding into his DMs from her shared stalker account to showing up to his place unnnounced and rifling through his things (OK, so this one teeters the whole legal thing), she was doing THE most to get intel on the whereabouts of #LyftBae turned #GhostBae. Her tactics proved unsuccessful, but we’ve rounded up some stories from real women that got the job done.

From beginner to expert level stalking, these ladies got you:

  1. The Situation: Gone Boy

    "My friend was the driver while I asked to stake out my 'man' at the time. We sat in the car across the street from his house. I called him and he didn't answer. He finally came outside, but didn't know we were there. So I slid down in the seat like this and low-key followed him. 

    Back in my side-chick days, virtual stalking is much easier, because some people, especially my ex, doesn't know how to use privacy settings, so it took nothing to track his moves and his new girlfriend.

    Otherwise, I'm definitely the inspector gadget of my friends' group. I purposely got a Google Voice number to track down people without ever using my real number. I have five email addresses, and that's complicated to block. I pinpoint locations, track down cars, license plates, criminal background check and as a former catfish, I know all those tricks as well. Plus I'm an over-analytical Virgo. We don't play."

  2. The Situation: Trust Issues

    "So, I’ve definitely done my fair share of stalking. The craziest thing I’ve ever done is create a fake Facebook with some random girls photos, a.k.a. I was catfishing before "catfish" lol. When my best friend and I were in high school, she really didn’t trust her boyfriend. So we made a fake Facebook page, pretending to be her cousin, and started talking to him. In the end, he ended up hitting up the fake girl to come over and sleep with him. It was a whole mess. Her man was going to cheat on her with her, basically."

  3. The Situation: Too Good To Be True

    "I didn't get ghosted, but Issa's skills weren't as extensive as mine to find out why this man was 'too good to be true.' 

    "Let me set the scene: Miami for a weekend, always a good idea. First day me and my girls head to Wet Willies. As I'm entering, a group of guys are leaving, they stop, one compliments me. I keep it pushing. We go upstairs, two minutes later same group of guys comes back in and one offers to buy me a drink. 

    "They ask where we are going that night, we tell them Cameo. They say they were going to the same place. They also ask where we were staying, coincidentally they're staying at the hotel right behind ours. They tell us if we want to go with them we can and can pregame with them. We get ready, I text dude and tell him we will meet them. We hung out on the balcony, drank and it seemed to be all good vibes. 

    "We get to Cameo, have a table, they're seated next to ours. A group of five to seven girls comes up, and, for whatever reason, they're not happy with my guy talking to me. Allegedly, the same group of guys partied the night before, and I guess the girls got in their feelings and tried to claim them. Long story short, we drink our drinks and do our own thing. When it was our time to leave, we left, and ol' boy came with us. He bought me breakfast, paid for our cab back and asked if I wanted to hang with him more. Cool, nothing crazy at all happened. We walked around to 'try to get to know one another.' He tells me he lives in Florida but about four hours north from Miami, but originally from Pennsylvania. They were out celebrating one of his cousins' birthdays. I asked him what does he go home to, you know dudes and their baggage -- he tells me he has a daughter in Pennsylvania and two sons back home. Tells me him and his baby mama broke up. I asked why, he said he couldn't see himself marrying her because she had cheated on him. Cool...

    "I get to NYC, he never stops texting/facetiming/calling. If I landed on a Monday, ya boy was telling me he's going to Pennsylvania on a Thursday. He ups and leaves, tells me he's coming to spend time with his family and might move back. (How convenient!) Everything is going smooth. He stays around the Tri-state area for about three weeks to a month. He stayed with his cousin in Yonkers, we go out, we are living our best lives. Dude is planning our wedding and my lusty self is just feeding all into this b/s. 

    "As women, our intuition is way too strong. I thought I was just getting swept off my feet with Southern hospitality, little did I know I was just a scapegoat. I'm unsure if it's my legal background or just being a woman, but I had to dig to see how can this perfect guy be showering me with all this attention, affection and some more attention. I remember seeing him and he had a tattoo of a female's name on his arm, I asked who it was he tells me his sons' mother. It wasn't a common name, so you know I went straight to the Facebook search. Bam! I click the woman's page and the cover photo is her and him at their wedding! In my deep denial, I'm making all types of excuses. But after scrolling more and more. I see ring boys and flower girls, groomsmen and officiators. I got bamboozled. 

    "I remember texting him again asking what part of Florida he resided in and he told me. I went on their county clerk's website, entered his name and her name, and, lo and behold, a marriage certificate for the lovely newlyweds pops up. While he was out living his best life in Miami it was their first wedding anniversary. I was livid, but also happy I dodged that bullet. I sent him a text with a screenshot of the marriage certificate. He did not know what to say! Next time I saw him on Facetime when he was trying to 'explain how they are separated and it's not even like that.' And I see a wedding band that I've never seen before! Thank goodness that was short lived and didn't get too deep. Messy, messy." 

  4. The Situation: Just A Checkup

    "I definitely have a separate Instagram account that I use to watch stories. I have never DMed from it, but sometimes I am too proud to let a guy know that I want to see what they are up to, especially if I know that they don’t have that many followers and they might see my name if they review who watched their stories.

    "I went to an all-girl’s high school, so I got into the 'stalking' game pretty early. We used to drive past boys' houses literally all night long trying to see if they were home, and before everyone had cell phones, we would always call their landlines. It was super crazy.

    "I have DEFINITELY used my friend to orchestrate a 'casual meet up' with someone I liked. I am pretty good at figuring out where people might be based on Instagram and Snapchat."

  5. The Situation: First-Time No-No

    "I will never forget the first time I did some stalker s**t. My boyfriend has just broken up with me. He moved out of my apartment and into a place his dad was renting out. It was 6 a.m., he wasn't answering my calls, so I took a cab to his new spot. I was standing outside, knocking on his door––to no avail. I called a mutual friend of ours, and she was like, 'You're stalking him.' I was bewildered at her use of such a bats**t word. 

    "'No I'm not!' I shrieked back. She was like, 'It's six o'clock in the morning, and you are standing outside of his home without him inviting you there. You're stalking him.' The sun was barely out, I had on pajamas and hadn't even washed my face. I looked around and finally realized: I'd truly lost my damn mind. I called a cab and went back home before he called the cops."

  6. The Situation: The Assist

    "I helped my cousin stalk her then-boyfriend. He told her that he was going out of town for a weekend, but he lied. His story didn't add up, and he stopped answering the phone, so she wanted to pop up at his apartment. Against my better judgement, I rode with her over to his place. He still wasn't answering the phone, but when we arrived, we saw his apartment lights on. We rang at least four different doorbells to get into the building. (Of course we weren't going to ring his.)

    "Once we finally got in, I knocked on the door and said I was UPS. He answered and we pushed our way into the apartment. Thinking about it now, I still don't know how he thought we were UPS, because I had the worst interpretation of a guys voice (LOL). Anyway, there was a girl lying on the bed, and all hell broke loose. Long story short, we ransacked his place and left. In hindsight, that was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I don't recommend anyone to pop up on a boyfriend/ex. It could've ended really badly, but at least we were successful."

  7. The Situation: The Ex-Files

    "When I broke up with an ex, I started creeping by reading his Twitter posts every chance that I could. He was very private and kind of off the social media scene, so it was very hard to take advantage and see what was going on in his life. I was still friends with his sister, so I knew eventually one day I would be able to bump into him. I remember one day his sister and I went out partying. The two of them lived together, so I kind of had high chances of seeing him.

    "After partying, we decided since it was about five in the morning that I should go back to her house and spend the night there. Score! That's what I was thinking. I would be able to see him in person, finally. We reached her apartment and she realized that she forgot her keys. After knocking for a few minutes, her brother didn't come to the door. Something told me he was in there, just sleeping heavy. She suggested that we go to her aunt's house who lives a few blocks away. I wasn't giving up this chance. I suggested climbing up the fire escape and getting in the house because we were already so tired, and walking, in heels, wasn't a good idea. She agreed! I climbed up the fire escape, which would lead into her living room. Once I reached, the window was locked, and I couldn't get inside. I was slightly heartbroken because I really wanted to get inside of the house to potentially see my ex. I screamed down to her that the window was locked, and she said forget it, we'll just go over to her aunt's. Nope. I was way too determined. I came down the fire escape and said, 'Well, let's try your brother's window. Maybe I can get in through there.' We walked to the other side that led to his window, and I went climbing. I knew that this was his window, because there was the Gucci belt that I had bought for him sitting on the window sill. So I started to lift the window. It was a bit of a struggle, but I felt like I was getting somewhere. All of a sudden, there he was. I started to see the blinds lifting up and his face appeared.

    "As I said, it was about 5 a.m., so I am sure he was not expecting to see me sitting outside of his window, trying to get in. Heck, it could have been ANY time of the day, and that was the last thing he'd want to see. So, he gestured to me like, 'What are you doing?' and I just gestured back, 'OPEN THE WINDOW!' He opened the window, and I quickly threw it out there that his sister had forgotten her keys so that I didn't look like the ultimate stalker. I climbed in through the window, and, to my surprise, his new girlfriend was laying in the bed. I gave her a quick look and carried on to the front door to let his sister in. It was such a thrill but also extremely scary in the moment once I realized that he was in fact home!"

Written by BET Staff

(Photo: Merie W. Wallace/HBO)

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