Je’Niece McCullough, the late and legendary Bernie Mac’s only daughter and the Vice President of the Bernie Mac Foundation, sat down with Dead Talks Podcast to give one of the clearest, rawest accounts of what it’s like to lose a father who was both a famous public figure and a large presence in their family. The conversation is an unflinching look at the loneliness of grief, the pressure to perform strength, and the complicated, full-bodied love that shaped her father and their relationship.

“My dad was the kind of man that didn't deal with feelings or emotions. You toughed it out,” she told host David Ferrugio, explaining how family culture made mourning almost taboo. “My dad was my superhero. Superheroes don't die. I was like, he's not — my dad can't die.” That disbelief, the collision of public adoration and private loss wrecked McCullough.

Mac died in August 2008 and by July 2009, McCullough shared she was knee-deep in depression and had very serious suicidal ideations. “I used to sit in my parents' basement and my dad was a proud card-carrying member of the NRA and had an arsenal of guns. And I used to think, well, you know what? I could just take one of his guns and blow my brains out and then I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore and I'd be done.” She said that she’d sit by the safe that he kept one of his guns in, almost hoping she’d get the courage to do it. 

She said, “The only reason I didn't is cuz I was like, man, that would be so mean to do to my mom. She just lost her husband. Not only would [I] be dead, she'd have to clean up after me. I can't do that. So I won’t do that.” She then detailed other ways she could have taken her own life and found reasons (often related to others) not to. “So, then I just got to the point where I was like, all right, God. If you're real and you love me the way church has always told me, you do. When I go to sleep at night, I won't wake up in the morning,” she said, still wanting to die. But every morning, she’d wake up and she took that as a sign to live and she sought therapy.

McCullough said her therapist asked her, “‘Well, what brings you here?’” And she said, "Well, my dad died. It's been almost a year since my dad died, and I don't sleep well. I can't really eat. And I was just naming all the things that I was feeling. And I'll never forget, she was like the first person that I felt gave me permission to be okay with grieving. She went, ‘Oh, honey, that’s grief.’”

Her memories also traced Bernie’s long battle with sarcoidosis (diagnosed in 1986) and the medical decline that led to his hospitalization in 2008. She detailed the "sophisticated drugs” that ended up giving Bernie “toxic” reactions that kept him hospitalized. 

McCullough recounted his harrowing final days, where her father briefly regained consciousness and mouthed to her, “I’m dead.”

The Thursday before he died, McCullough said he opened his eyes. Bernie was still on the ventilator, and he saw his wife, McCullough’s mother, Rhonda McCullough and she asked, “Bernard do you know who I am?”Je’Niece said Bernie rolled his eyes as if to say, “Why in the hell wouldn’t I know who you are?”

With that glimmer of his signature humor, Je’Niece thought he was going to be ok. When her mother left the room, Je’Niece said her dad looked at her and motioned her to come to him.

She said, “I’m like what? What do you need? What do you want?” And that’s when he mouthed, "I'm dead."

Je’Niece told him, “No” and she said he nodded matter-of-factly, “Yes.” And she told him, "You're a terrible patient." Each time he got sick, she said he would first say, "I'm dead.” Je’Niece then went into her version of a Bernie Mac impression and said he’d say, ‘“The headline tomorrow going to say Bernie Mac dead. Your mom is going to move another man in my house, spend all my money. Might as well go ahead and call the papers now.’ Like he would do that!” She and the host laughed because she said he’d “flatten himself” into a stiff position, indicating his death. Days later, Bernie was dead. 

Those moments made the loss visceral. Not only the absence of a comedian the nation loved, but the sudden erasure of a father who once told his daughter, “You’re the only one I got.” 

Je’Niece explained how she took on responsibilities with the Bernie Mac Foundation and how she tries to parent her daughter differently from what she experienced: talking openly with her daughter, sharing stories, and preserving legacy without silencing pain. “I try to do for her what wasn't done for me,” she said. Mac experienced a lot of death early in his life, losing his mother to breast cancer, his best friend to murder and his brother to a heart attack. McCullough detailed in the interview how her family wouldn’t address these losses and kept their grief silent.

McCullough’s interview is poignant. She detailed the admiration for her father, a man whose stage persona masked deep, unresolved pain, as well as the sorrow she felt at the moments they never got, and the hard work of re-learning what it means to mourn when the world is watching. 

Bernie Mac rose from Chicago stand-up rooms to national fame — a defining presence on HBO’s “Def Comedy Jam” and as one of “The Original Kings of Comedy,” before headlining his own sitcom, “The Bernie Mac Show” (2001–2006) and appearing in films like the “Ocean’s” series. His work blended blistering honesty, vulnerability, and a bristling stage persona that made him one of the most beloved comedians of all time.