Getting the Groom Pt. 1: 25

In the first of Enitan Bereola's three part series, he gives the ladies advice on getting a groom.

It’s not exactly 30, but it’s far from 21. You don’t feel too old, but you fully comprehend that it’s time to grow up. Your newfound sophisticated palate has matured from those Sex On the Beach pink drinks to a full-bodied cabernet sauvignon. Your best friend is wrapping up a toast to you when a Blackberry vibrating violently interrupts. It’s almost midnight, so you already know that it’s your mother calling to be the first to wish you a happy 25th birthday. When you finally answer, the first thing your mom says is, “So, when are you getting married?”


It’s the most asked question for plenty of quarter-century-old unwedded women today. Your favorite magazine just published an article telling you that you’re no longer marriageable and your favorite blog is saying that there aren’t even enough eligible men to marry you. Wow! Welcome to 25.


But don’t be discouraged – your focus isn’t to be married by a certain age, but to fall into womanhood by a certain age. When you focus on you, men focus on you. There’s nothing more tragic than a lady having her entire wedding planned out without consideration as to how her marriage will pan out. Once you fall in love with yourself, we soon follow suit.


Getting to the groom is an effortless act. There are several things a lady can do to capture man’s attention without appearing thirsty. *THIRSTY /THərstē/ adjective: 1. A relentless and unhealthy desire of needing something or someone to the degree of embarrassment* Not every man will boldly approach the pretty woman with her arms folded and the look of, "I can’t be bothered" on her face. It’s traditionally true that men are to approach women, but women shouldn’t abuse this fact by making the encounter unnecessarily difficult. What if the tables were turned?


The reality is women have been approaching men since the beginning of time. When I say approaching, I mean that a woman orchestrates the pace, flow and direction of potential romantic encounters. A lady can gauge the emotional climate of a room the second she walks into it. The feminine aura of a gentlewoman sets the tone of the attention she will capture and who will be lured into her zone. Getting to your groom includes, but is not limited to the following:


Body language: When you enjoy life, your body reflects that. When you see something you like, your body reflects that as well. Don’t be afraid to allow your body to naturally express itself. Smile if he’s cute and play with your hair if he’s sexy. We’re watching!


Pay Attention: Sometimes it’s the man who’s vying for your attention. Our signals are different than yours but we have them. We may boldly hold an extended glance or detach ourselves from a group of friends in order to be noticed. Pay attention to our attention. 55% of communication is non-verbal, 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice) and only 7% is words.


Prioritize: Just like women notice men who have their ish together, men notice women who have their priorities in order. We’ll seek you harder when we know that you’re focused on more than just us. A woman’s ambition is sexy.


Be you: Don’t show up on dates as your representative. That’s the common act of attempting to impress someone with everything that you’re not. There’s nothing more comforting than someone saying, “I know exactly who you are, and I like you still.”


Follow these tips and you won’t have to worry about getting to the groom – he’ll be racking his brain trying to figure out how he’s going to get to you.




– Enitan Bereola, II


* * * *


Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at his new website, or @bereolaesque on Twitter as well as his Facebook fan page


Latest News

Subscribe for BET Updates

Provide your email address to receive our newsletter.

By clicking Subscribe, you confirm that you have read and agree to our Terms of Use and acknowledge our Privacy Policy. You also agree to receive marketing communications, updates, special offers (including partner offers) and other information from BET and the Paramount family of companies. You understand that you can unsubscribe at any time.