2017 has been quite the eventful year as our country is experiencing an interesting transition with *cough cough* (Not My) President Trump. Incidents of racially driven chaos have made headlines throughout the year — from mass church shootings to non-peaceful Nazi/White Supremacist rallies and protests, an NFL shakedown and, of course, more police brutality.
In spite of the constant challenge people of color face against white privilege, there are still some outstanding folk that have proven themselves worthy of an invite to the cookout. Allow me to congratulate the heroes of 2017 and announce some of the additions to the BBQ guest list:
Not only does Gregg Poppovich get an invite to the cookout, but he also gets a to-go plate after all the public statements he’s made regarding Trump and racism. The NBA head coach of the San Antonio Spurs has made it very clear how unhappy and "sick to his stomach" he was about President Trump entering the Oval Office. His candid opinions addressing white privilege and race (as it pertains to sports, politics and the public in general) was his effort to shed light on those that are uncomfortable and in denial of racism or "tired" of hearing how frequently the discussion of racial discrimination circulates in the media.
Michael Rappaport has been on a roll speaking out all throughout 2017 of his disgust for Donald Trump, racists, police brutality and Colin Kaepernick. He went particularly HAM on the white supremacists in Charlottesville that protested AGAINST Black Lives Matter. Put two pieces of cornbread on that man’s plate and introduce him to your Nana!
Since Eminem is usually ALWAYS at the cookout, let’s just consider this a Cookout Membership Renewal after he dropped lyrical BOMBS about Trump’s presidency at the BET Hip-Hop Awards. Not surprising that Trump didn’t have a slick counter-tweet against this WHITE rapper, though, but Eminem definitely gets an A+ for telling his fans that are Trump supporters to basically f**k off!
Prince Harry made his way to the cookout guest list as the plus one of his stunning new fiancé Meghan Markle. It’s about time we have some Black Girl Magic and soon-to-be royal highness in a castle where all our beautiful brown queens belong. Cheers to Prince Harry for having great taste in women and food!
Gary Owen is another the rising rockstar comedian has respectfully earned a seat at the spades and dominoes table at the cookout. Not only has he successfully and non-offensively made comical use of the “n word” in his comedy bits (slow clap) but he is married to the gorgeous Kenya Duke. Pass the potato salad, Gary!
Now you know we've got an arsenal of cousins to hook Miss Texas 2017 up with after her A1 response to the riot in Charlottesville and her commentary on Donald Trump. She was candid in saying that the white supremacist rally was an OBVIOUS act of terrorism and Donald Trump should have addressed it as such. You go, GIRL! (Martin Voice).
Yasssss! If only ALL white folk were like this woman who put hands on this racist white woman shown in a video that went viral!
This weatherman seems to have already been invited to someone’s cookout because this handshake is TOO authentic.
Gotta say as a white dude who has fucked up just so many of these shout out to this reporter for turning the franchise around pic.twitter.com/nuETU1LvWQ— Rich 🌮 (@high_light) August 31, 2017
SOMEBODY BOOK THIS MAN TO DJ AT THE COOKOUT! And give him a plus one!
Let’s give a general admission ticket to the BBQ to Zach Goldbaum from VICE for feeling comfortable and genuinely bonding with people of color in every ‘hood, city, state and country in the world.
In lieu of our new guests, a few of our usual cookout attendees have either lost a plate or need to take a seat at the kid’s table…
Exhibit A: Kevin Hart. Now, granted, size-wise this probably won’t be an unfit seating arrangement, but after his poor attempt at apologizing (via social media) to his PREGNANT wife for his infidelity on her birthday, he belongs at the young’ns table and will be given the kiddie portion of Nana’s collard greens. C’mon, Kevin, we were rooting for you!
Ray Lewis is going to have to get back on both knees and “pray” for a plate at the cookout this year after the stunts he’s pulled in 2017. He REFUSED to kneel, but instead got down on both knees and proceeded to say he is “not in the protesting business.” Hope auntie lets the chicken grease pop him for this behavior!
Let’s DEFINITELY bow our heads to Denise Young Smith’s invite getting rescinded. She was Apple’s Vice President of Diversity and Inclusion who made a controversial statement in an attempt to defend Apple’s disproportionately white/male leadership compared to other demographics. She said, “There can be 12 white, blue-eyed, blond men in a room and they’re going to be diverse too because they’re going to bring a different life experience and life perspective to the conversation…..Diversity is the human experience. I get a little bit frustrated when diversity or the term diversity is tagged to the people of color, or the women, or the LGBT.” Coming from a woman of color people were shocked at her poorly chosen analogy and saddened at what she condoned as a chief officer of DIVERSITY. She eventually stepped down. GIRRRRL, BYE, no mac and cheese for you!
Tsk tsk, what a tangled web we weave when someone VOTES FOR TRUMP. Omarosa Manigault was already hanging by a thread on the cookout invite list… and if she wasn’t funding all the groceries she might’ve been dropped day one. But if she THOUGHT she was going to make a Black girl comeback after being dragged out of the White House she has another thing coming. Sorry, Oma, you have failed the “ultimate job interview” with your OWN PEOPLE.
Admittedly, after Trump’s presidential win, the bar was pretty damn low for what resulted in a white person getting an invite to the cookout (treating your fellow human beings like human beings shouldn’t be a major story, but sadly it is these days). If you think any names are missing on this list, hit us up in the comments.
(Photos from left: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images, Samir Hussein/WireImage, Gary Gershoff/WireImage)