Cheslie Kryst’s mom, April Simpkins, is speaking about the final words she received from her daughter right before her suicide on Jan. 30, 2022.
In a new episode of Red Table Talk hosted by Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris, Simpkins says that Kryst who was also crowned Miss USA 2019, was battling depression despite maintaining a carefree and bubbly personality on social media.
“I don’t know that I am going to get over the grief,” she explained. “I’m trying to accept that grief and I are going to do life together.”
Recalling the morning of her daughter's passing, Simpkins says that Kryst left a note in her apartment.
“It was very simple, she said she wanted to leave everything to me,” she said.
Simpkins explained that Sunday morning she was heading home from her workout class, that Kryst knew she would be in, and was planning on calling her daughter instead noticed a text message from the 30-year-old.
Revealing an excerpt of the message, it read: “First I’m sorry, by the time you get this I won’t be alive anymore and it makes me even more sad to write this because I know it will hurt you the most.”
Simpkins said that she nearly blacked out after reading those words from her daughter.
“By the time I read the text, an hour had passed,” she remembers before sharing that she did not immediately read the rest of the lengthy text until she was with her husband.
“ ‘I love you mom and you are my best friend. The person I’ve lived for for years. I wish I could stay with you but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness and loneliness any longer. I’ve never told you these feelings because I never wanted you to worry and because I hoped they would eventually change but I know they never will. They follow me through every accomplishment, success, family gathering, friendly dinner. I cry almost every day now like I’m in mourning. I’ve wished for death for years. And I know you would want to know and want to help but I haven’t wanted to share this weight with anyone. Regardless of that thank you sincerely for being there for me in some of my loneliest moments without me even telling you I needed you. You have kept me alive and ready to face another day because you answer every phone call. And you were there for me at a drop of a hat. You listen to me and care when I tell you what goes on in my life and you have always made me feel like you love me. I love you more than any person I’ve ever known. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve done everything right. I no longer feel like I have any purpose in life. I don’t know if I ever really did.”
Simpkins adds that her daughter hoped to “rejoin God in heaven to find peace there.”
“ ‘I don’t want to leave but I genuinely feel like I have to if I want to escape my loneliness that feels like it has no end. I fought against depression for a long time but it’s won this time around. There aren’t enough words in this world to describe my love and appreciation for you. You are the perfect mom and I will love you forever even in death. Feel free to share this message people should know you are the best mom in the world and that you were the best mom to me that I ever could have hoped for,’ ” the message continued.
Kryst also shared her final wishes in the text message which Simpkins says are actively being carried out.
Simpkins said that she knew her daughter was dealing with high-functioning depression but didn’t know the severity of it and that she had actually attempted suicide before.
“It was after that first attempt that she and I grew very close,” she disclosed. “I wanted her to feel comfortable calling me, ‘if ever you’re in crisis’ call me.”
Adding, Kryst began taking all the right steps including seeing a counselor and keeping up with a healthy sleeping schedule.
Elsewhere in the episode Simpkins sheds light on Kryst’s past struggles with mental health and sets the record straight about her cause of death alongside her stepdad David Simpkins.
Be sure to watch the new episode of Red Table Talk: The Story Behind Miss USA Cheslie Kryst's Suicide streaming on Facebook Watch on Wednesday (May 4) at 9am PT/12pm ET.