Maintaining or even finding a healthy romantic relationship nowadays is tough task because of the level of access we have to other options (Thanks, Tinder). In the past, more often than not, the narrative of the broken relationship was usually told from the woman's point of view. For example, “He cheated on me, so we broke up.” Or, if you weren't in a relationship, it was because the increasing population of f**k bois in the world. Either way, it was always the men.
Well the playing field has leveled a bit more in 2017 thanks to the internet and story lines like Issa and Lawrence's on Insecure. Can you tell that's our favorite show or what? But aside from infidelity, why are men leaving women? Or why may it seem good men are hard to come by? After doing some research and speaking to some men (and a few women), single and married, I was able to pin point the top mistakes women make when dating or in relationships that are causing guys to break it off.
In no particular order, here they are!
Ladies, if you are dating a man for weeks who doesn’t answer your texts until after 10 a.m,, "goes to bed" at 5:30 p.m. during the week and you have no clue where he lives, chances are he is unavailable. I've heard females say, “I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to mess it up." Don’t hurt yourself, ask! He could be in an open relationship or he could be in a closed one. Whichever it is, you're going to want to know so you can get some clarity on the situation.
There's a lot of women out there who tend to be attracted to unavailable guys or “bad boys.” These guys usually tell (or show) the women upfront who they are and are not. But for some strange reason, these things only seem to make the man more attractive in the woman’s eyes. People in general tend to have an obsession with things they can’t have but we should draw the line when it comes to dating.
Now, I am not saying accept him being a loser, liar or cheater. What I mean here is to embrace the differences that exist. If comfy/cozy is more his style, don’t try to force him to wear a suit every time you guys go out to Red Lobster. It’s ridiculous. If he prefers to eat the steak before the salad, don’t pester him about "proper" dinner etiquette. Remember, you fell for him just the way he is.
There are some extremely self-centered women out there who seemingly believe they are "owed" something. They don't know how to appreciate men who actually try to do the best they can, but if the man can’t provide all of their wants (not needs), it’s a wrap!
I was talking to a friend the other day who shared with me that his girlfriend woke up upset one morning because she noticed the night before that he liked a random girl's picture on his Instagram Explore page. Why waste your morning arguing with him about a social media post versus having breakfast in bed?
This goes back to self-value. Don’t be afraid to tell a guy what you are looking for as it relates to relationship goals. But find your balance to make sure you include him. Believe it or not, some guys are turned off by women who say “we are just going with the flow” or “it’s whatever” because we will treat the situation as such. If you want something serious, don’t play games that misrepresent yourself and who you are.
If a man wants to be with a woman for the long haul, he must trust her. This may be a double standard, but guys don’t trust as easily as women. It takes a while to build our trust, and if you break it, you might as well end the relationship right then and there. Work on building trust without going through cellphones, social media stalking or being paranoid that he is going to cheat on you. If you don’t trust him, simply don’t be with him.
I might catch heat for this one. It is an old argument that men want to be men in a relationship and it's true. According to relationship experts, this is an issue for extremely successful women. These women's success is oftentimes a result of the fact that, deep inside, these women also have huge doubts about their self-value. From politics to television, women in power are portrayed as such. Am I the only guy who sees this trend in the Black women characters in shows like BET's Being Mary Jane and ABC's How to Get Away With Murder ? NOT sexy at all! Despite the fact that their overcompensation tends to lead to their success, this type of woman can go overboard and remove any space for a man in her life. Men, believe it or not, love independent female bosses, but it’s OK to let a man be a man in the relationship. Re-embrace your feminine energy every now and then.
This is probably the biggest problem right now in the dating world. Guys don’t like feeling pressured. We go into fight or flight when it comes to relationships when we are not completely sure or comfortable with the person. After a good date, sex or great conversation, the next day we will receive a “good morning bae” text and freak TF out! Don’t rush, take your time. Get to know the guy. You may realize he pees on the seat and you are ultimately disgusted by that, but you're already calling the guy “Harlem Bae.”
(Photo: PeopleImages/Getty Images)
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