Marriage and mommy vlogger, Khadeen Ellis, recently stopped by BET's Black Coffee to discuss everything from relationships, to her take on gentrification in Black communities.
During her sit down with hosts Marc Lamont Hill, Gia Peppers and Jameer Pond, the topic of open marriages and relationships came up, to which Khadeen, who is well known for her family vlogs with husband and DeadAss podcast co-host Devale Ellis, gave her candid take on the issue.
"If it works for you and your spouse, or your partner, so be it. I think the biggest issue with relationships is having the outside noise that drowns what it is you two have decided on. If this is what you two decided on, because it works for the both of you, and it makes you happy, do it.
Maybe it doesn't work for Devale and I to have an open relationship, but I would never sit here and judge. The furthest thing from our minds is to judge anybody who does decide on it. I've heard that it's an oxymoron. Why have a marriage if it's going to be open, and what terms is 'open?' Is it just open sexually? Is it open in terms of having a whole entire relationship?
That's just my take on it.... if it doesn't work for you, don't do it."
Citing a popular reality television show that shows the polyamorous lifestyles of couples, Khadeen added, "Apparently now, Black people are starting to be open to the idea of it," in regards to the normalization of shared relationships in the Black space.
While Khadeen admitted the arrangement wasn't quite the right fit for her or her hubby, she did note that communication was key to upkeep sexual consistency, as well as ensure everyone within the relationship is on the same page. The host and media influencer, who has been with her partner for 17 years, cited her own relationship with Devale for reference:
"My husband and I have had super difficult conversations. Being together since 18-years-old, sex becomes an issue for us. You think about our sex lives from 18-year-olds who are like, young kids in college, [and] 'I'm ready to buss it wide open,' and then you throw in bills, and work, and children, and pregnancy, and postpartum, and careers. It becomes a lot.
That's is something we both had to talk about openly, like, 'I'm not satisfied in this area. I need help in this area. I need you to do X-Y-Z, to get to the point where I want to buss it wide open again.'
Little things like that have to be on the table. You have to be transparent about it, because what tends to happen [if not], is someone is going to step out, and there goes the deceit, the lies and the cheating.
Watch the full episode on Black Coffee's official Youtube, here!
Tune into Black Coffee live, every weekday, at 10am EST, on Black Coffee Digital!