Jordin Sparks’ husband, Dana Isaiah recently sparked outrage on social media for a sentimental shout out to his high school friend—a female friend—with her arm around him. After fans started flooding the 27-year-old’s comments saying his behavior was wrong, Jordin posted a long message with her thoughts condoning her hubby's actions on Instagram.
The 29-year-old singer says, “if your significant other is making you cut off your really good, stand up, been there since forever friends, male or female…GET OUT.”
Since making her point, folks on the Internet seem to be split on how they would feel about seeing an intimate post like this from their partner. So we reached out to out BET family and thier friends to answer this:
How do you feel about your significant other posting a sentimental tribute to their friend of the opposite sex on social media? Do you have any rules around it?
Keep It Short And Simple
"Personally, I do not see anything wrong with posting your friend of the opposite sex on social media.
If it’s inappropriate, such as a thousand heart emojis or professing your love then we have a problem.
Keep it short and simple!"
—Kateri Fischer, BET
There's Different Kinds Of Love
"Personally, I believe in unconditional trust and transparency in my relationships, friend or intimate partner. I believe someone shouldn't be in a committed relationship with a person that they can’t trust with friends of either sex, or can’t handle them expressing their love for someone else who plays a different role for their partner. Life is way too broad and multidimensional to limit someone to only having love for you, especially since there’s different kinds of love."
—Lamar "LJ" Smith, Author
Was That Friend There Before The Relationship Started?
"I really don't see an issue with it, especially if that friend was there before the relationship started. Anyone who tries to restrict their partner from having friends of the opposite sex is controlling and shows signs of insecurity. Also, if you can't trust your partner to have friends of the opposite sex and still be respectful of your relationship, should you even be with that person to begin with?"
—Tiffany Ervin, BET
As Long As Everything Is Transparent
"Okay! I need truth!! All of it!
I can get jealous at times when things are unclear, so if this person was kept low and then this came out, I'd question the situation and probably be a bit angry.
Now, if I knew of this man/woman, the full truth, history, timeline, and I know, without a doubt that nothing ever happened, they're good people, and that the relationship is genuine and PG, then I'd be under the caption my damn self like, 'Yup! That's the homie ya digg!'
But if I didn't know about this night out, and a picture gets posted late at night, that's something I'm still going to need clarity on.
As long as everything is transparent, all should be well! Trust matters!
And like Jordin said, "if you need to ditch your day ones, long time friends, etc. for a relationship, get out of it!"
—Marc Burgos, CEO, Peace Piece World Wide
Tasteless and Inconsiderate, But Not a Deal Breaker
1. BOY BYE! You ain’t got no kinda class!
On his part, it is tasteless and inconsiderate, but not a deal breaker. He just doesn’t know how to use social media. The rule broken? Don’t let you significant other catch you commenting, dm’ing, liking, or posting someone of the opposite sex unless they are a celebrity – and maybe not even then.
2. STALK MUCH?
On her part, PLEASE get outta your man’s Insta. Why are you stalking his moves or worrying and feeling threatened? If he ain’t sleeping with you then you’re probably just being a petty queen. Keep your insecurities to yourself ma. Or he might be all up in your phone translating your messages and you know you don’t want that. #YaHeard
—Glenn Kornegay, BET
I don't see the issue
"I personally don’t see an issue with this but I’m a REAL low maintenance person when it comes to relationships. Especially when I trust the person. If he feels the need to be sentimental with an old friend who is a woman, so be it. That’s not his wife; Jordin is.
I see why people could have an issue with his post, considering he and his wife are public figures. BUT if this were one of his homeboys in the picture, no one would blink an eye. So I think it’s just because it’s another woman." —Gina Conteh, BET
I consider it a blessing that my boyfriend has two very close girlfriends
"If you had asked me this question when I was 20 I would definitely have a different answer but now at 28, I have no rules around my significant other posting about their friends of the opposite sex on social media. The reality is, if your relationship with your SO is strong and you have respect and trust, a post on social media won't affect you. I consider it a blessing that my boyfriend has two very close girl friends. They have helped me grow in our relationship in so many ways and we have endless respect and admiration for one another. A social media post for a birthday or a special event is so harmless and it shouldn't be turned into some sort of underlying, malicious message.
Sidenote: Also, trust your gut. If you're not comfortable with something in your relationship, try and understand why that is something that makes you uncomfortable. It could be more of a 'personal' thing rather then a 'them' thing."
—Melissa G, FemmeRadio
I would Be more concerned with their offline interactions
"It depends on the energy I get from him. If it’s off or weird, then I’m against her posting tributes.
Usually I’m more logical and rational in my approach to nuanced situations like this, but I like to balance intellect with ignorant energy sometimes.
Outside of the social media tributes, I would be more concerned with their offline interactions. Digital life ain’t real life. And your focus should never reside there. But that’s another topic."
—Michael Allamby, NewAm Wines
If your significant other knows your friend, I don't see the problem
"The man who introduced my husband and me is a really good friend of mine and my husband wouldn't have an issue if I posted a tribute to him on social media and if my husband had a close relationship with a female friend, I would be okay with it too. I think it's really about how well your significant other knows the friend you're posting about.
If this is a new friendship or one that has caused issues for your relationship, that's not okay. But if your significant other knows your friend and understands your relationship, I don't see the problem. When you live in the public eye, however, you have to take into account how things may look and those followers who don't know or understand your relationship, so you may create unnecessary drama. "
—Jelani R., Senior Editor at Revelation Group
Is there any past history they should be aware of and have they met this person?
"Well that depends anyone worth while of the opposite sex your significant other should have at heard their name before, how you met, if there is any past history they should be aware of and have met this person, or at least spoke to them on the phone.
Also just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to drop all other friendships of the opposite sex. Be mature enough to know that, 'Yes you are the most important in my life but I still have others I care for that were there before you and I.' It all comes down to if can you handle your insecurities in the face of the friendships of your partner, and if you can't should that be your partner." —James Cameau, Behavioral Health Specialist