The Normalization of Masturbation: Why Self-Love Is The Best Love

"Your first relationship starts with self. If that is off, all your other relationships will be off..."

On Tuesday (June 9), sexologist and speaker Michelle Hope joined the cast of Black Coffee, and added a little lava to our java.

The resident sexpert and edu-tainer sat down with hosts Marc Lamont Hill, Gia Peppers and guest host, actor Greg "Klarity" Davis Jr., to go over everything from the importance of communication in a sexual relationship, to what women really, really want.

While on the topic of self-love, Hope revealed how women are more prone to having an overactive mind, and how overthinking can often lead to underwhelming results in the bedroom.

"Women have to get out of their minds before they can get into their body. Your first relationship starts with self."

Her advice for getting out of your own way? Stop being busy minded and start... well, getting busy.

"Masturbate. Regularly," the 15-year speaker and sexpert suggested to host Peppers, when asked how the busy woman can quiet her thoughts enough to give her body pleasure. As far as what defines “regular,” Hope implies that frequency is nothing but a number - "Whatever works for you" - before going on to list the many health benefits of self-love.

"Masturbation is great, there are a lot of health benefits. Stress relief. It can boost your immune system. There are a lot of benefits with masturbation. And for women, why I encourage this, is because if you don't know how to get yourself there, how you gonna be able to instruct someone else to get you there? That's one. Two, one of the biggest causes and apprehensions in the bedroom for adults is actually body image. Masturbation is a part of self love. I always say this, your first relationship starts with self. If that is off, all your other relationships will be off.”

She continued, “So checking in with yourself and making a date with yourself, at least once a week [is key]. Draw you a bubble bath. Put on some Maxwell. Light a lavender candle, and pull out your favorite vibrator."

During this topic, Klarity interrupted Hope to make somewhat of a shocking reveal, admitting that he never got into self-pleasure.

"I never masturbated," the comedic-actor confessed with a straight face, before reiterating his point. "I never masturbated. That's not even a joke. I was ridiculed and made fun off, and I was just afraid, so I never messed with it." 

After being commended for his transparency, Klarity gave some clarity on his choice to abstain from self-gratification, noting that the decision was rooted in religion. 

"Growing up in a very Southern Baptist [environment]... I was introduced to sex brutally. Oh I'm traumatized, I ain't gone lie!"

Hope then detailed the common negative connotations and cultural stigmas that often impede on one's views of sex. She stressed the importance of not only sex education for adults, but for children as well, or rather, for parents in order to better teach their kids.

"I teach parenting classes, and I always tell parents, 'Do not shame children for masturbation.' Because at an early age, zero to five [years], that's body exploration. They're not masturbating to get an orgasm. It's not a sexual thing to them. Little boys masturbate in the womb. So it's a healthy, normal thing, and we need to embrace that. This is a normal part of being human."

So in short, don't stress the technique! 

Watch the full episode here.

Be sure to tune in for new episodes of Black Coffee, live every weekday, 10am EST, only on BET's official Twitter & Facebook!

Latest News

Subscribe for BET Updates

Provide your email address to receive our newsletter.

Select the types of notification you would like to receive from us. Please note, you must choose at least one.

By clicking subscribe, I consent to receiving newsletters and other marketing emails. Newsletters are subject to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Users can unsubscribe at any time.