Welcome to 2017, where we allegedly live in a time of equality; equal status, equal rights, and most importantly equal opportunities. LOL? Right. We know that the chasm between men and women is felt in multiple places: the workplace, the sporting field and most relatable, the dating arena.
Women like Beyoncé have empowered women to declare their independence. The Bey version of the modern woman is “flawless” and “independent.” She needs no one. When she chooses to date, it’s because she is interested. Secure guys love it, as they should.
But, how far does independence go exactly? Does the modern woman want to extend her independence to finances, particularly when dating? Recently I was at a mixer full of 20- to early 30-something men and women of various martial status. Everyone seemed to be professionally in the same zone. I asked the question “when dating, should men always pay for the date---- or should women be expected to pay as well?” and it sparked an interesting debate. Here's what was said:
According to the fellas:
“It depends on what stage in the relationship you are. It’s different if you are married, then it's combined income. But if you are dating, I think we should split everything.”
“After a year, it’s OK for the woman to pay but it’s not required.”
“[On the] first date, the guy should pay. After that, the bill is fair game for a split for her.”
“Women say they want to pay, but they not really trying pay.”
“Women say they are the modern woman, but if they ever have to pay, they call the guys cheap and we can forget about another date!”
“If she says 'let me treat you', I’ll try to pay but let her if she insists.”
“If she offers to treat and the bill is outrageous, like a New York date ($200-plus) and she pays, I’m going to text my boys and be like, ‘I got a winner!’ — and I am not paying for it.”
“[On] the first couple of dates, it should be the man because he needs to establish something.”
“It’s not like tit for tat. There has to be some of balance. So let’s start off going Dutch until it becomes a joint account. I’m just saying...we just hanging out. Not married!”
“Define a 'date.’ Because people just like free stuff.”
“I am progressive with this topic — if I invite the female, I’ll pay. If she invites me, I expect her to pay. Of course on the first date, I am not offering. She [will] most likely get offended if I even offer to pay for sh*t!”
“For women to prepare for a date, they spend a lot of money. New clothes, hair done, all that. Shave, wax. So how can I not pay for it?”
From the ladies:
“If I offer to pay and the bill is really expensive and he don’t chip in, I’ll pay but it damn sure will be the last time I see his ass.”
“If it’s a first date, and the bill is expensive and he says, ‘I got it,’ I will be like, ‘you sure, wow — you need me to help?’ If he says yes, it will be probably the last date.”
“Here is I feel about it; if I invite you — I expect to pay. But I honestly don’t expect to pay.”
“For the first couple of dates, the man should pay. I want to be wooed."
“Do women really invite guys to date? That is just ridiculous.”
“If you invite me, I am not paying. If we establish a relationship, I will switch to considering it.”
“If he doesn’t offer to pay, we are definitely not on a date. We just were hanging out. Friend zone FOR SURE!”
“I expect to pay and prepared to date. But if he don’t offer to pay. I am upset. And I am probably going to say something about it after I pay.”
“To prove I’m not type of girl, I'll pay for a drink here or there. A whole date, though...? Is we in a relationship?”
“If the date falls on Valentine’s Day, anniversary days and birthdays, I shouldn’t pay. And I am not paying if you ask me out. Those are days a man should pay. Other days, maybe.”
“I feel like half of the women who are yelling, 'independent,' are still looking for a man to pay for something. Why can’t they pay for a date?”
“That old standard of the man being the breadwinner and women being a stay at home not working, those days are over. I will pay.”
“Black women are typically more educated and have better jobs than Black men now. So paying for a date is not a problem for us.”
“Look at Michelle Obama; she was well off before she met Barack, so yea.”
“I am equal opportunity dater, I will reach for my purse to pay. But if I pay, I am going to ignore him for the rest of [my] life!”
“I am all about dominance and power. But I think we should go half on it. I want to see the guy get drunk — so they can tell me all their secrets — show me what type of person you are. I don’t care about the money. I just want to know if they serial killer first.”
So basically it looks like the ladies are really not trying to pay, even if they say they are. So if you're trying to date… make sure you got your money together! Is this reason that DM’ing has become the new form of dating? Free and easy!
(Photo: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images)
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