When Congressman Byron Donalds took to Twitter this week, it wasn’t to talk about, say, rising healthcare costs, climate change, or the fact that half of Congress still doesn’t know how TikTok works. No, it was about Cracker Barrel’s new logo. Because apparently, this is the hill to die on: the syrup-sticky, rocking-chair-lined parking lot of a chain restaurant that sells both pancakes and decorative roosters.

Donalds, in his heartfelt post, reminded us that he once worked at Cracker Barrel during college—and even gave his life to Christ in their parking lot. (Jesus, for the record, has declined comment on whether he co-signed the mashed potatoes.) He went on to declare that “no one asked for this woke rebrand” and boldly called to “Make Cracker Barrel Great Again.”

Let’s pause here. Cracker Barrel. Not the Supreme Court. Not the economy. Not even the quality of airline peanuts. Cracker. Barrel.

It’s touching that Donalds’ religious conversion happened in the shadow of a giant wooden porch sign offering “All-Day Breakfast.” But to frame the restaurant’s branding as some sort of red-white-and-blue spiritual beacon is…well, peak 2025 politics. We’ve gone from “I Have a Dream” to “I Have a Biscuit.”

What exactly is so “woke” about a corporate rebrand? Did Cracker Barrel’s new logo replace the little old country man with RuPaul? Is the barrel now non-binary? Are the hashbrown casseroles secretly teaching Critical Race Theory?

It’s branding, Byron. Some marketing exec just swapped out fonts, maybe lightened a color palette, and called it a day. But to hear Donalds tell it, you’d think the restaurant had started serving oat milk lattes with a side of drag brunch.

This isn’t really about Cracker Barrel. It’s about a never-ending need for grievance politics. Everything, from beer cans to M&M’s footwear choices, is framed as an attack on American identity. And now, apparently, even the pancakes aren’t safe.

Donalds’ tweet crystallizes a certain strain of American politics: one that elevates IHOP-adjacent rebrands into moral crusades. It’s not “the breakfast table of democracy,” it’s the breakfast table as democracy.

If your biggest cultural emergency is a Cracker Barrel logo refresh, maybe things aren’t so bad after all. Maybe, just maybe, we can all relax, order some fried okra, and remember that a chain restaurant’s new typeface isn’t going to end the Republic.

Unless, of course, they get rid of the cornbread. Then we riot.